There comes a time in everyone’s life when they want more freedom, and this means the beginning of adolescence. How important is freedom for the psychological development of teenagers and young people in general, and how healthy is freedom for a young person?

Every age has many needs, and one of the most important is undoubtedly the need to be free. In relation to family members, in relation to one’s own choice or to the inherent rules of society. And often we hear about teenagers and young people who suffer because they “lack freedom”. “I want more freedom” or “I want to be free, to be myself” are some of the most common demands of young people. But what does “enough” mean in this context, and what does the freedom that young people seek really mean?

How does the need to be free arise?

Childhood itself implies a certain form of freedom, primarily due to the absence of responsibilities. It also repeats itself: a schedule set by parents or guardians, a set of rules to ensure consistency and safety for the child: the next day at school, the next exam, an external structured social life. “It’s a kind of life under surveillance,” says psychologist and psychotherapist Simone Simboan, a member of the Queen Maria Private Health Network team.

Then begins the transition to a new form of freedom, the adventure of adolescence, which continues with the need to build one’s own life story, separate from anyone else’s. As a prerogative of biological and mental evolution, the freedom we remember has different manifestations depending not only on the typology of families, but also in connection with the evolution of society.

Now we can say, recalls the psychotherapist, that we live in the least structured society of all time. If earlier parents, teachers, coaches continued to monitor the progress of a young person until a late age, today there is an unprecedented individualism – the need to distance oneself from the nuclear family and build one’s own path, perhaps even further from it. .

The “we” of traditional societies has become the “I” of today. In the past, young people developed according to the customs of the place where they were born. The life path they followed as a given. Along with the phenomenon of globalization, the need for freedom and independence has also increased. Personal achievements are more important than shared moral values. Which can be useful, but at the same time dangerous,” says Simone Simboan.

The need for freedom varies from young person to young person

The moment when a young person begins to break away from his family core, from a place of unconditional support, can become decisive for how he will treat life and himself. It coincides with the period of identity development and formation of one’s own values ​​and beliefs. Hence the understanding of freedom as “doing what I want, when I want.” But, says psychologist Simona Simboan, “freedom must first of all consist in the ability to choose what is right.”

A system of personal and public rules, freedom – so as not to become a dangerous territory – encompasses rights and requirements, which in turn involve “duties and obligations and are closely related to the notion of participation.”

You have the freedom to choose a career, but it depends on the academic skills you have acquired. And so on, almost no matter what form of freedom we are talking about, until we understand that in fact there is no such thing as absolute or complete freedom, but it is always limited. This is the first lesson that any young man must learn in order not to distort his own ideals and become unhappy.

When young people understand freedom based on the false idea of ​​”freedom from any dogma or any rule,” serious mistakes can occur, according to psychotherapist Simone Simboan.

“Do not confuse freedom with selfishness”

“It is quite normal to be focused on yourself, but on your intimacy, on your values ​​and emotions, and not selfishly,” explains the psychologist. “When freedom turns into selfishness, there is a risk that young people will no longer spend time in communities, but rather in front of a laptop, not pursuing common goals, but only personal pleasures.”

A study conducted by researchers at the Harvard Graduate School of Education surveyed tens of thousands of middle and high school students about how parents feel about personal achievement versus family well-being. 80% of respondents admitted that parents care more about personal achievements than about family ties.

“Freedom should not be an ocean in which you want to spend your whole life, but only a river that you want to cross in order to reach the other shore and settle down,” says psychologist Simone Simboan.

Healthy freedom

Obligations play a very important role in order for young people to correctly understand freedom, the psychologist believes. “Freedom is a journey of both open options and pleasant limitations.”

An approach that will bring balance to a young person’s life does not exclude commitments, but involves finding and accepting limitations that best suit each person. “Commitments provide identity, purpose, and even contribute to the formation of moral character. You have to have a set of rules so you don’t become a slave to your own destructive desires, obligations to yourself, friends, family and society.”

A set of rules in any family, healthy communication, consistency and setting boundaries as children grow – all this can contribute to the correct perception of what freedom means.

“Children and young people still need to understand that they have the freedom to feel, to express themselves, to talk about their emotions, but this freedom is accompanied by an obligation not to offend others,” says psychologist Simone Simboan.

Freedom does not give up!

Psychologist Simone Simboan says that during her career she met many young people who got lost or chose absolute solitude due to a misinterpretation of the concept of freedom.

And especially from equating freedom with rejection when they face difficulties. “There is a risk that such refusal at the slightest obstacle will lead to failure after failure and, ultimately, to acute depressive states.”

Recommendations for parents

In adolescence and in the life of a young person, parents should encourage the search for answers to the following questions: “What can I do to be happy?” / “What do I want from life?” / “What does life require of me.” ?”

While in the lives of their children, parents should be attentive to the “gift”, to the talent they have, and offer them moral and practical help to fulfill their vocation, whatever it may be.

“Parents should talk to their children about ideals in general, and also about ideals they have had. And give them instructions about it. Freedom must be conveyed in the form of dreams, “you are free to choose a dream, a path, and I, as a father, will support you on your path.”

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