How does a child’s shyness manifest itself and especially how can you help him overcome this behavior that prevents him from making friends and complicates his daily life?

A shy child is nervous or afraid around other children. He doesn’t speak much, and if he does, his voice is weak. He often plays alone during school breaks. He watches other children play, but does not join. He is very quiet. He hardly speaks even when asked.

Let’s understand children’s shyness

Shyness is a normal and common characteristic of young children. This is a natural reaction to what may seem like a scary or overwhelming situation. But shyness is difficult to deal with because it is a mix of emotions. This can include fear, tension, fear and anxiety.

A century of shyness

According to early childhood experts, different levels of shyness can occur throughout a child’s development. For example, babies are naturally afraid of new adults (separation anxiety). And by the age of 4-5, children may develop shyness. Usually, shyness gradually disappears as children grow up and get into various new situations. But a child who suffers from extreme shyness may take much longer to open up to other people or situations. They may need your help to overcome their shyness or psychotherapy.

Types of shyness

Heidi Gazelle of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro says there are 3 types of shyness, each with very different patterns of social interaction:

– Nice shy children. There are those who do not initiate conversations or games, but respond with aplomb when called upon to play or discuss. They are easily perceived by others and sociable when they open up. Some children describe them as fun and smarter than most. Despite their individual characteristics, positive family relationships have developed good enough social skills to communicate with others.

– Immature shy children. These children hardly get involved in other people’s discussions or play, but after they are accepted, they do not like to be very childish, annoying and boring. They have few friends because they oscillate between being withdrawn and drawing attention to themselves.

– Shy aggressive children. It may seem contradictory to combine the terms “shy” and “aggressive”, but Gazelle found a group of children who, although they had difficulty interacting with other children, reacted violently or hostilely to it. And although they have difficulty making friends, these children are more likely to experience rejection, exclusion, or bullying from others.

Positive aspects of shyness

Shyness has positive aspects. Shy behavior is often associated with a number of positive behaviors:

– a shy child is polite and, as a result, easy to take care of;

– a shy child usually does well in school because he is quiet, patient and knows how to listen;

– a shy child does not get into trouble.

Possible reasons for shyness

Some of the possible causes of shyness, often in combination, can be:

– GENETIC – aspects of personality can be determined, at least in part, by inherited genetic makeup.

– Personality – emotionally sensitive and easily frightened children risk becoming shy children.

– Learned behavior – children learn by copying the most influential models: their parents. Shy parents can “teach” shyness to their children by their example.

– Family relationships – children who do not feel attachment to their parents or who have been neglected by their parents may be anxious and prone to shy behavior. On the other hand, overprotective parents can teach their children to be reserved and fearful, especially about new situations.

– Lack of social interaction – children who lived in isolation in the early years of life may not have the social skills that allow them to communicate easily with strangers.

– Harsh criticism – children who are teased or bullied by important people in their lives (parents, siblings, and other close family members or friends) may become shy.

– Fear of failure – children who have been pushed to their limits too many times (and then made to feel bad when they don’t “measure up”) may experience a fear of failure that manifests as shyness.

The attitude of parents is crucial

Parents have a huge impact on their children’s lives – probably much more than they realize. Here’s how you should behave as a parent of a shy child:

– Don’t criticize him. Be supportive, compassionate and understanding.

– Encourage him tell about the reasons for his shyness – what is he afraid of?

– Tell them about times in your life when you were shy and how you overcame them. Acknowledge your own shyness, because young children often see their parents as perfect. This can make him feel better and reduce his general anxiety.

– Do not label your child as “shy” and do not allow others to use this label.

How can you help him?

As a parent, you can help your child be more social. Strategies depend on each child and circumstance, but may include:

– Share with him your personal strategies for overcoming shyness that you have learned over the years. Practice these strategies with your child.

– Show your child the many benefits of shamelessness. Give examples from your life.

– Encourages behavior outside the home or in a close circle of friends. Praise the child when he finds himself in an unfamiliar situation or when he meets a new person and overcomes his shyness.

– Set goals together with the child and help him achieve them. For example, greeting another child can be an important first step.

– Consciously involve him in new situations. Watch for small changes in behavior and build up his behavior gradually. Support him!

– Help him succeed in what he does best.

Shyness can be formed

According to a recently published study, shyness can be inherited, but not forever. This means that a shy child who grows up in a supportive and loving environment will be able to become much less introverted by school years than one who was born shy and the environment in which he lives reinforces this shyness.

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