We are taught this from an early age it is unpleasant to say no, and we encounter variations on this theme throughout our lives. The details don’t matter: self-interest, the fact that sometimes we have more to lose than to gain by accepting the ideas, projects, visions, actions that are offered to us. Romanian society knows one good thing, No– this is a sign of disrespect, especially at a certain age. Who has not been apostrophized once: “at your age you can’t say no!”?

Life always presents us with choices, and some of them we can make through denial. We refuse a certain offer, we choose to live as we have lived up to this moment, because not every change is necessarily beneficial.

Of course, potential rejection should not be turned into an ideal of denial, just for your own convenience. Solidarity with others always involves leaving one’s comfort zone. However, they have a special meaning Nosaviors

As we say it No, the form in which the objection is packaged is also of great importance. However, the background (the context that gives rise to the refusal) is equally important.

The first “no” said by children is the first evidence of their desire for independence. The role of parents is to raise their children, to explain to them what comes first not-uri is not necessarily in their favor. But over time, the same children must understand that a timely “no” can be a lifesaver. That in certain contexts “no” is a sign of self-respect, not a sign of disrespect. We must help them (and help us) realize (realize) the fact that both the benefits and harms of a choice must always be weighed. And when the latter prevail, “no” is a worthy, saving option. Regardless of the position, age or degree of kinship of the one who proposes, or the number of friends in the environment, who decides to act in a certain way and motivates us to perform.

Our children would be safer if adults treated the content of certain refusals differently. We can refuse, it is our right. Not out of instinct, not out of selfishness, but to protect yourself. It depends on the context and how beneficial or, on the contrary, it is not beneficial to us.

For an example of a profitable “no”, I appeal to an episode from the life of Mykhailo Kogelnichan. In 1837, he studied in Berlin together with Dimitrii and Grigore, sons of the ruler Mykhailo Sturdza. During the period spent outside the country (3 and a half years, first in Luneville, later in Berlin), Kogelnicianu corresponded constantly with his father, Aga Ilie Kogelnicianu. The main reason for the letters is lack of money, which the young intellectual constantly complains about. Money problems were compounded in 1837 by an attempt to compromise him through a “protective letter” sent by Councilor Gufeland to both the ruler of Moldavia and Ilie Kogelničan.

Despite the fact that the young Kogelničan was not really guilty (he was accused, among other things, of not attending French lessons; another fault was that the young man thirsty for knowledge spent too much money on books!), his father insisted for his son to apologize on his knees to the very man who had tried to mistreat him, Councilor Hufeland. Thus, we arrive at Kogelničan’s answer, a salutary “no”, which was difficult to say in an era when age differences, social status, and the authority of parents mattered much more than today:

“When I received your misfortune, I was saddened more than I can say. […] And though I should go to Mr. Goofeland and beg him to write good of me to His Majesty, I cannot do it. If I wrote to you that I am twenty years old and that I am a whole man, I did it to show you that I would never commit an act unworthy of myself and my family. Here, in enlightened Europe, people kneel only before God, not before men. Therefore, I also learned here that each person is his own, that one differs from another only by merit and good deeds. That is why I will never kneel before Mr. Hoofeland or anyone else. I could have done it if I had been brought up in Constantinople, where every slave belongs to a greater slave.”[1].

Big, important, bold words that mark the first steps of the phenomenon that D. Bolintineanu noted among the first: “sons separated from their fathers”[2]. In other words, they knew how to say no customs, an authority with which they no longer identified. Thanks to people like Mykhailo Kogelnichan for their power to speak No, the values ​​of European society penetrated the Romanian space.

Nowadays, there are no more conflicts similar to the conflicts of the 19th century. Although the challenges are of different nature, they exist. Then adults should take up the matter No– in their lives, and young people need to be constantly reminded that there are life-saving rejections. An essential role in this sense is played by education in its various forms: family, school, as well as continuous, throughout life. _Read the entire article and comment on Contributors.ro