Last week, New York sued the companies behind the social networking sites SnapChat, Instagram, YouTube and TikTok for their role in exacerbating a “national crisis in child and adolescent mental health.” New York thus joined 42 states that sued Meta (the company that owns Facebook and Instagram) in the fall of 2023, alleging that the platforms are addictive by exposing teenagers to a constant stream of harmful content. “Their motivation is profit,” the statement said.

Dependence on social media can quickly lead to depression, anxiety or insomnia, as well as disrupt relationships with school or everyday life, psychologists warn. These virtual spaces are also under-regulated – in the States, social platforms are expected to implement much stricter rules for the safety of minors online, which would more effectively prevent bullying, harassment, sexual exploitation or eating disorders exacerbated by online interactions. The frequency of behavioral disorders in (pre)adolescents cannot be attributed exclusively to social networks, but their contribution in the context of vulnerability turned out to be decisive.

Oh, Puberty!, recently published by ZYX Books, is the perfect buy for families with teens and younger. It can be purchased HERE and shipping is free.

How many friends does a child need?

In the book Oh Puberty!, recently released in the United States and translated into Romanian, authors Cara Netterson (pediatrician) and Vanessa Kroll Bennett (school counselor) suggest that one thing that has changed tremendously for this generation is friendship – not its nature, but the manner of its manifestation and unwritten rules. Peer pressure is just as strong online as it is in real life, and sometimes verbal abuse or social exclusion is easier, precisely because it’s all happening behind a screen. Decision? The power of the entourage can be softened with the help of learned and repeated strategies – however much they like it, it will be useful to them.

Wait 10 minutes before making a decision, don’t respond instantly to any online request, have scheduled responses to requests like “Send a nude photo?” – all this can restrain the reaction of the limbic system and engage the prefrontal cortex, which is not sufficiently developed in teenagers to make their own rational decisions. “A unique, strong, deep, and meaningful relationship is enough to protect an adolescent from isolation and enjoy the benefits of companionship. One friend is enough to make you feel good. A 2008 study called “With a Little Help from Your Friends” found that having a supportive soulmate (one quality friendship!) is more important to teens than the total number of friends they have, according to the authors. In the same book, they also point out the difference between technology and social media.

If technology as such (devices) can be useful for introverted teenagers who find it easier to communicate or in special situations (the COVID-19 pandemic), then social networks increase feelings of loneliness among both youth and adults. : “The data clearly shows that for children who experience social problems, social media can make things worse. A study published in the journal JAMA Psychiatry in 2019 shows that 3 or more hours of social media per day leads to higher rates of mental health problems. But in the same year, the rights group Common Sense Media reported that the average American teenager spends 5 to 7 hours a day on these platforms. In other words, there is a smaller and smaller group of teenagers who are present on social networks without being exposed to the risks that they represent.”

What can parents do?

Some advice offered in the book to parents:

– prohibition of mobile phones at night (the rule may ring: the phone is charged in another room); delaying access to the phone so that the brain gets used to the dosage;

– setting and observing a time limit per day (ideally one hour, maximum two);

– access restrictions. To combat the unrealistic body images cultivated on these networks, we’d better avoid moralizing lectures.

We can do a seemingly amusing exercise where we ask even teenagers to explain how many filters were needed to get a certain image, how many takes were made (probably hundreds to get the “perfect image”), what editing procedures changed the actual image. image and to what extent. The conclusions will speak for themselves, but repetition, tone and atmosphere are important. Let’s not forget about humor!

Alisa Pressman, a psychologist and author of the book “The Five Principles of Parenting”, says that a close and trusting relationship between parents and children is the key to mental health in both childhood and adolescence. “We are not powerless,” the author writes. “One adult who provides consistent and deep support can help a teenager stay afloat in almost any context, no matter how stressful.” Here’s an optimistic view that suggests we don’t have to be perfect parents, just present and patient parents at key moments. Rules and boundaries are not the opposite of connection, they are even part of the definition of it when it comes to parenting.

“Slate, moody and empty inside”

According to a study conducted by Save the Children, in Romania, the age range in which the use of social networks becomes significant is 5-10 years. 34% of 16-17-year-olds are online 4-6 hours a day, and 14% more than 6 hours a day, and 2 in 5 children say they have been bullied or received disturbing messages online.

Monika Zhitaryuk, communication consultant and trainer (PHOTO), says the discussion about technology and social media should focus on questions, not advice or judgment. The more questions we ask ourselves, the more carefully and honestly we approach the topic: “First, is it really necessary to give children smartphones?” Who is speaking? why What needs do these devices fulfill? Common responses include wanting to know where children are, needing to connect with others (so they are not excluded), and fostering creativity. But do these answers correspond to reality?

Are there healthier alternatives to meet these needs? Are there alternatives that do not involve so many dangers (from low self-esteem due to constant comparison to mimicry that leads to physical dysmorphia, to reduced attention and concentration, to inappropriate relationships and exposure to pornographic content?) Yes, we have there are parental controls and we think we know what the child is doing online. indeed? One alternative: push-button phones, which are becoming increasingly popular in circles aware of the dangers of overuse of technology. The most valuable approach is to have an open discussion with teenagers about the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of social media. In digital culture courses, teenagers tell that they spend on the Internet and social networks from 4 (in the happiest cases) to 6-8-10 hours. I encourage them to list the positive aspects that these networks bring to their lives. When we dig deeper, the list is almost empty. One of them recently told me that he feels like he’s been eating chips, chocolate and drinking coke all day – he’s limp, lethargic and empty inside, even though he’s filled with (obviously) information. It is not easy for us adults to stop. How was it easier for them? Ongoing parent education, personal example, digital minimalism techniques (from limiting phone time to alternatives such as push-button phones) are important topics to discuss. Even if the door slams.”

Monika Zhitaryuk is a communications consultant and trainer. He works with some of the biggest companies, government agencies and NGOs and helps them manage their online and offline reputation.

Oops, Puberty!, recently published by ZYX Books, is the perfect buy for families with teens and younger. It can be purchased HERE and shipping is free.