We often draw parallels between the family of origin, that is, the relationship we had with our parents as children, and the relationship between spouses later, but certain behaviors or adaptations are found in all of our relationships. Here are some confessions.

Sometimes “sorry” isn’t enough

In our everyday language, we sometimes highlight stereotypes that, upon closer examination, can convey information about us. For example, when someone tells us about a difficulty they are having and our response is to tell them “I’m sorry” but not offer help, ask if we can help in any way, or teach our own compassion (sometimes empathy not enough), or we run away from internal confrontation with difficult emotions (“we don’t want to burden ourselves with other people’s problems”).

Unfortunately, this behavior leads to a distancing relationship, can make the other person feel lonely, and does not teach us to truly connect with others, but also with our own suffering or the suffering of others, as long as it remains unnoticed, unresolved, unremedied. . Or our healing means, among other things, looking at our own suffering, acknowledging it, asking for help where possible, and accepting the difficult experience that is part of us. Similarly, when we offend someone, we say “I’m sorry”, but what matters is the purpose of the message. If we expect the other to suddenly feel better and go back to acting as if the event never happened, that message is about us and our needs, not others. True pity is accompanied by behavior that meets the needs of the other, even if they include distance from us.

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