From the first moment a child is born, every parent wants to be good. Very good. Even ideal, if possible. And all his life he will ask himself the question whether he managed to be what he wanted. From the outset it is good to know – perhaps as a consolation – that there are no perfect parents. Instead, there are many things parents can do to become great, great parents are those who succeed in raising a healthy, happy and independent child.

1. Show your affection

The first thing, of course, that a parent who wants to be…fantastic has to do is express their affection. The time of the wrong “A baby should be kissed only in a dream” belongs to the very distant past, when the importance of physical contact with the baby was underestimated. Caresses, hugs, kisses, expressed caress help the child to understand how much parents care about him.

Smile at your child, tell her you love her as often as possible, every day, don’t make her feel like she has to be the way you want her to be in order to love her, tell her you’ll love her no matter what, even if it’s wrong, and you’ll have a child with more self-confidence.

2. Listen to your child

If you’re just making rules to follow, you’re just being a parent. If you listen to your child when they have problems, you are a great parent.

Communication between parents and child is extremely important, as is showing interest in and participation in the child’s life. When a child tells their parents that they would like to talk to them, they need to be taken seriously. Stop what you’re doing and make it a priority. Or, if you’re dealing with something you can’t get away from right now, do it as soon as you can focus enough to listen to him.

3. Be a good role model, but let him have his own experiences

Children learn by watching their parents, and that works better than telling them what to do. Show him that he should apologize when he’s wrong, that he should always tell the truth, respect other people’s opinions even if they don’t share them, be tolerant, give second chances and generally be a positive example.

“When we teach a child, we teach them by example, not by what we can express as theory and life advice. Children learn not from what their parents tell them, but from what they see in their parents. Children, at the same time, reveal all that is dysfunctional or even toxic in the family. A parent who neglects himself for the sake of a child will have a child who will either adopt his script or behave self-sufficiently. He will never reach equilibrium,” explained Yulia Barka, a psychotherapist who trained in cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy.

On the other hand, it is important not to make all decisions for him, but to let him think and make his own choices. The role of parents should be only advisory so that the risk of unpleasant consequences is as small as possible. The child will understand that his actions can have good or bad consequences, and thus learn to make the right choices and solve his own problems. This is the first step towards his independence from adult life.

4. Do not compare him with other children

Not even with brothers or sisters, because every child is unique. By constantly comparing him to other children, he risks developing an inferiority complex and the belief that he will never be good enough to please you.

According to Scientific American, a better approach is to use temporal comparisons, encouraging children to compare themselves to their pasts rather than to others, such as evaluating how much they’ve learned or improved. When children compare themselves to their pasts, they are not competing with others.

Talk to him about his goals and what he needs to do to achieve them instead of telling him to do what his sister, brother or friend is doing. The goal of parents is to help the child form self-esteem, not an inferiority complex. Very important: Stay neutral in sibling fights and don’t favor either of them!

5. Set reasonable and reasonable boundaries

Setting limits doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, but rather that you’re helping them understand and navigate their confusing world. Discipline is not punishment! Give him age-appropriate responsibilities (put away toys, wash dishes, make the bed), as this develops independence and self-esteem. Do not rush to intervene and fix everything, give him the opportunity to find a solution on his own.

Establish rules of conduct for everyone, don’t make them up based on your ideal view of things. Explain to him the rules he must follow and the consequences of his actions. Oana Moraru, an education expert, says that as good parents, they set limits, give structure, guide, take children into the maelstrom of their intentions and give them space to maneuver and choose from there, from within. When setting limits, good parents make no excuses or excuses. They are assertive, solemn, dignified and determined.

6. Do not place unrealistic expectations on the child

It’s one thing to want him to become a responsible person, and another to force him to be a perfect child. (Remember, parents can’t be perfect either!)

Do not pressure him to get the best grades, to be the best in the class, but encourage him to study at a steady pace. Let him do (regardless of the field, whether it is study or sports) as much as he is able. If you make him think that you expect the highest level from him, he will always feel that he is not living up to your expectations and may rebel at some point. Encourage him without judging him!

7. Be firm, but control your temper

When explaining or enforcing rules and restrictions, do so calmly but also firmly. The child should take you seriously, not be afraid of you, but not think: “Well, it’s okay, she says that because she’s nervous, but she’s worried.” When you feel that you have raised your voice too much and are about to yell at him, stop, admit that you were wrong, apologize, and then calmly continue the conversation.

If you have established rules, apply them consistently and resist the child’s attempts to manipulate you. A parent who gives in to stop a child’s tantrum will send a message to the child that the rules can be “broken” and the child will no longer make any effort to follow them.

8. Spend quality time together

Play with your child, letting him choose how to play, read together every day, plan a time every day where you practice continuously. Let this hour be dedicated only and only to the child, let it be a special hour, and let him know it. An hour without dates and without answering the phone, nothing more between you.

And don’t forget to make memories! Words are forgotten, but not rituals: hugs and kisses “Goodnight!”, family meals, trips, decorating the Christmas tree, visiting museums, attending school events and holidays, conversations… If you have more children, try to spend the same amount of time with each .

Therefore, for the well-being of both parents and the child, it is important to establish connections and spend time together. Instead of worrying about how many minutes you spend with your child each day, focus on turning those minutes into moments that matter. According to Dr. Dan Segal, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles, being there for your child is more important than doing things for them.

9. Respect her privacy

Just as you want your privacy to be respected, you should offer the same to your child. If you have made it a rule that he is not allowed to enter your room without first knocking on the door and getting permission to enter, then you should do the same. Once in his room, the child should feel that he is in his personal space. If he catches you rummaging through his things, he’ll have a hard time regaining his trust in you.

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