Between the ages of 8 and 18, all children go through a period of intense transformation that can affect relationships with parents, teachers, friends, and the dynamics of the entire family. During the holidays, when the whole family gathers and expectations are high, instead of quiet days and easy conversations, we often find ourselves in the middle of difficult discussions that can turn into conflict.

We have the perfect gift offer for families with teenagers at a special price for you! The book “Oh, Puberty! What the world of today’s teenagers looks like and how we talk to them about difficult topics”, and the game “Things I DON’T Like”, created by THE FUNNY BRAND, is perfect for family play. The package can be purchased HEREand shipping is free.

The most important thing is to listen to them

Although there are no recipes, psychologists offer two valid strategies for harmoniously building relationships with teenagers both during the holidays and throughout the rest of the year: authentic listening and caring about how we conduct conversations about more sensitive topics.

Instead of teaching children, it is wiser to listen to them.

Some reasons why it is important to listen to your children:

– Children feel that they are valued when they are listened to; In this way, they receive the message that their ideas and questions are important, that their feelings are validated, and that adults are a valuable resource. He also learns what it means to pay attention to another person, to understand and accept his feelings.

– Listening better directs the conversation in the desired direction.

– If we first listen, then we understand the reality of a child: the language of modern teenagers is unique, and they are experts and the best advisers.

– Listening helps us buy time to formulate the best answers to teenagers’ questions.

How do we talk to them about difficult topics?

Teenagers have a huge amount of information to process in these formative ten years, so the adults in their lives are the best resource. But both the essence of the message and the form in which it is delivered are important.

According to Dr. Cara Netterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett, authors of the international bestseller Oh, Puberty!, here are some strategies for getting out of a difficult conversation:

– Take a deep breath: Thus, the nervous system calms down and you get time to think.

– Learn as much as you can about the subject in question: if the conversation starts with a tougher or unexpected question, you can respond with, “I wonder why you wonder that?”

– Do not lie to them, under no circumstances: A lie can temporarily solve an unpleasant situation, but it will definitely backfire on you. Lying completely destroys trust in a relationship

– Confess your embarrassment: Acknowledging embarrassment shows that people can overcome discomfort. You can simply say, “I’m not comfortable talking about this, but I know it’s important, so let’s try it!”

Pro tip: Avoid eye contact if it helps reduce discomfort—which is why every parenting expert on the planet will advise you to avoid awkward conversations in the car.

– Admit when you don’t know something: “I don’t know” are some of the most important words we have! By telling them, we show children that they can do the same. Admitting your own ignorance also saves you from getting the wrong answer on the spot or sending your child to look it up on the Internet (an even worse idea the younger they are). But you can search for an answer together, call an expert in the field, or postpone the topic until you figure it out and come back with an answer. It’s all about remembering to come back to clarify the issue!

– Do not read sermons: Read above for many reasons why you should listen instead of preach.

“Just give them some information.”: They still can’t take it anymore. And the conversations can be short, because there will be a lot of them!

– Ask questions: Do this even when you’re downright exhausted and feeling completely relieved after a difficult conversation, because it shows that you’re always interested and willing to help.

– Give them the time they need to “digest” the information: Some children need a few days or even more to absorb the information. They may not seem to be listening and may not have any questions. Do not be afraid and do not be angry; everyone approaches these topics differently. It’s possible that you’ll have a baby who, a week later, when you’re walking the dog together, will come up with a joke or follow-up question that will leave you speechless.

– Leave your emotional baggage at the door, literally: Think of something important from your teenage years (no matter if it’s funny or difficult) and describe that event in a few words on a piece of paper. Share this “baggage” with another trusted adult, then take the note and symbolically remove it from your life right now by folding it up and putting it in an envelope or even throwing it in the trash. The goal is not to eliminate memory, but to exclude it from conversations with children.

Adults make mistakes too

– When in doubt, leave it: When adults see their children suffering or facing a problem, they are encouraged to tell their own painful story, starting with the words “I know what you’re going through…”

– This attempt to empathize only shifts the focus from them to us. Most often, children want adults to simply listen to them and support them. So use something like, “This is disgusting! I think it is very painful for you to go through something like this…”

– Find another adult to talk to: Sometimes it’s about a specific problem (for example, body image or acne) that an adult has a hard time dealing with, even if it’s been 30-40 years since they faced it. So it’s time to stop, reach out to a friend, and share what you’re going through. Give him freedom and do not transfer the problem to the child.

– When you make a mistake, go back and fix it: It proves that it’s okay to be wrong – a common phrase that many people use, but which children are very reluctant to believe (and who can blame them?). Show them that a person can make a mistake, admit it and move on. This approach will apply to many sensitive conversations during puberty, as it is guaranteed that some will go wrong and you will have to repeat them.

– Let them beat you if you made a mistake: Of course, it hurts to be reminded of “the time when…” But nothing creates a stronger bond than stepping off your pedestal and standing face to face with your own child. Consider that when you make a second attempt, they will laugh at you … You just need to laugh from the heart!

– “Some of the above strategies will work for some of you. Not everyone will succeed. The bottom line is that it’s important to understand how and why puberty has changed so radically in recent decades, but it’s equally important to have the skills to talk to kids going through it today.” – support the authors of the book

“Oh, puberty! What does the world of today’s teenagers look like and how do we talk to them about difficult topics.”

An ideal gift for families with teenagers

Besides listening and talking to them, Holidays also helps you spend time with your family, and playing together creates an almost instant bond. Playable at all ages, The Funny Brand’s games are a great tool for sparking funny family discussions and, why not, stirring up some bad vibes.

We have the perfect gift for families with teenagers at a special price for you! The book “Oh, Puberty! What the world of today’s teenagers looks like and how we talk to them about difficult topics”, and the game “Things I DON’T Like”, created by THE FUNNY BRAND, is perfect for family play. The package can be purchased HERE and shipping is free.