Many parents are uncomfortable discussing sex and pornography with their children, especially if they are in their teenage years, a difficult age in any case. Today, however, pornography is only a click away. It’s free and already available to students with laptops and smartphones.

In a book recently published in Romanian, “Oh Puberty! What the world of today’s teenagers looks like and how we talk to them about difficult topics”, Dr. Kara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett explain to parents how the perception of sex has changed and why it is better to discuss such topics with children, rather than leaving their sex education to their own devices.

The book, a great gift idea for families with teenagers and younger, is available HERE and shipping is free.

Over the past two decades, the Internet has made pornography available to anyone with a device, both children and adults. Boys are exposed to pornography for the first time at the age of 12 or even earlier, and girls are not far behind. At the presentation of the book “Oh, puberty! What does the world of today’s teenagers look like and how do we talk to them about difficult topics”, psychologist Diana Stanculeanu emphasized that in Romania the numbers are different, first of all contact with pornography at the age of 7 and a half.

Beware of the dangers that lie in wait for our children!

The influence of the pornographic industry on the young generation is devastating, those who have studied the problem draw attention. The main danger is that the pornography industry promotes patterns of human behavior and interaction based on sexual violence, the objectification of women, and an emphasis on “recreational” sexual relationships. Human trafficking, child pornography and the destruction of the traditional family model are among the worst consequences of this industry.

This kind of information overload has reimagined for a new generation what sex looks, feels and feels like, even when kids know it’s all staged, note the authors of the book Oh, Puberty! What does the world of today’s teenagers look like and how to talk to them about difficult topics.”

Viewed pornography can create the illusion of reality. Or at least start looking like a version of her. And many children continue to be exposed to pornographic images and films.

In this context, it becomes even more important for parents to approach the topic of pornography, sex and sex education in discussions with their children.

First conversation: around age 10, and sometimes earlier

The reasons why children watch pornography are because someone showed it to them, they sought it out themselves, or they used it as an aid to masturbation or as a way to cope with stress or negative emotions. The most common ways to get into pornography were the words “naked” and “breasts”, which were searched on Google and sent on social networks. More than half of teenagers who viewed pornography say that the material contained violence or aggressive behavior.

Considering that children are very prone to pornography, the authors of the mentioned book recommend that parents start the first conversation with them around the age of 10, if the problem has not been revealed by then. If the kids have already learned, an immediate discussion would be helpful. “While the idea of ​​talking to a 10-year-old about pornography might make us want to puke, it’s much more sickening to imagine that the porn industry (with its endless stream of misogynistic and violent films starring professional actors, with completely unrealistic bodies) is sexually educating an entire generation. No matter how strange, embarrassing and frankly scary this topic is, it has become something that cannot be discussed,” the authors note.

Here are some suggestions for possible approaches to the discussion about pornography

1. Don’t think that I already know what pornography is

Since many children have heard the words “porn” or “pornography” on the bus to school or at a friend’s house, they feel they should know what it means. Many suspect that he represents something evil, but this is where their knowledge ends. Your first conversation about pornography might start with a simple question: “I was wondering if you’ve heard the words ‘porn’ or ‘pornography’?” If the answer is yes, ask them to identify and then clarify or elaborate. If they say they don’t know, start with something simple: “Pornography is people taking pictures or videos of themselves or other people having sex.”

2. Explain why this is a concern

It’s hard to explain why children shouldn’t watch pornography if it doesn’t simultaneously shroud sex with an air of shame and condemnation. If the goal is for young people to eventually have full sex, they need help distinguishing what they see in porn from intimate relationships in real life. You might say, “When you’re old enough, sex can be a wonderful thing between partners who consent to the act and respect each other’s feelings and bodies.” This contrasts with violent and misogynistic pornography. It is important that children understand that pornography does not represent everything that involves sexual relations, but only a very specific aspect of this area.

We can provide narratives that contradict what children may have seen, but ideally, when they grow up, they should write their own story based on their experiences, not content posted by someone else.

3. Impact on body image

Professional porn actors of all genres usually have hairless, shaved, bleached or tanned bodies from head to toe. This creates an unrealistic image of nudity. Emphasizing the normality of the body resets expectations. You may not believe it, but it is very important to clearly explain to teenagers that it is natural and normal for someone to have pubic hair, because for those who have watched porn before seeing a sexual partner in real life, this can be a surprise. However, be careful which approach you choose, as the same child may have already removed significant amounts of hair from parts you cannot see and may take the comments as shaming.

4. Leave the gates open for communication by removing prejudices

Many parents start their first conversation about pornography (knowingly or not) after their children are first exposed to it. If we enter into force “If you watch porn, you are punished for the rest of your life!”, then it becomes quite difficult for the child to admit that he has already watched. And if they’re exposed after talking to a parent who says, “You are not allowed to watch porn under any circumstances!”, that child likely won’t come back to ask questions or discuss their concerns.

The book “Oh, Puberty! What the world of today’s teens looks like and how we talk to them about difficult topics is a comprehensive guide for parents of teenagers and teens (ages 8-18) that offers solutions, strategies and answers to the most difficult questions and dilemmas associated with this period children’s lives

One of the authors, Dr. Cara Natterson, is a Harvard-educated pediatrician and the best-selling author of Taking Care of You, Guy Stuff, and Deciphering Boys. She is also the host of The Puberty Podcast and co-author of The Awkward Rollercoaster newsletter (with Vanessa Kroll-Bennett).

Vanessa Kroll-Bennett is the founder of Dynamo Girl, which aims to support children’s self-esteem through sports, puberty and parenting workshops. He graduated from Wellesley College and has four teenage children.

Oh, Puberty!, recently published by ZYX Books in Romanian, can be purchased HERE with free shipping.

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