For several years, this unconditional parenting has been talked about in the context of challenging ancient child-rearing practices. Unconditional parenting methods consider parent-child relationships and their long-term outcomes.

Some parents misunderstand the concept of unconditional parenting and criticize it. They are convinced that this is a passive way of raising children. They are convinced that children should not be allowed to do whatever they want. That if they let children do what they want, they will “get in their heads” and become naughty and irresponsible like adults.

Principles of unconditional parentage

Unconditional parenting does not mean no conditions, restrictions, or rules. The practice of this style of raising children is based on identifying their needs, and not on forcing them to obey us. In other words, instead of adding straw to the fire when a child doesn’t want to do something, it would be more helpful to understand why they don’t want to do something. Understand that he is defying the rules not out of malice, but because he has unique interests, goals, and temperament that drive this typically childish behavior. Understand that children live, breathe and move just like adults. That they want to feel loved and understood, especially when they’re having a rough day or when they’re misrepresenting their true feelings. For example, when I throw tantrums.

Questions like “How to make him eat everything on the plate?”, “How to make the child tidy his room?” or “How do I make my child like school?” they have only one answer: children cannot be raised according to a generally accepted recipe. For years, parents have tried to impose standards on children, to make children fear their reactions instead of listening to them. They imposed harsh punishments and discipline to set arbitrary limits, avoiding understanding the children’s true needs. But children cannot be universal for ease of use. Children are mini-adults who need to be listened to, understood and helped to grow and develop, according to the principles of unconditional parenting.

Why punishments and rewards are no longer good

Some parents misunderstand the concept of unconditional parenting. And hence many questions about the practices that they knew as good until now.

Previous research suggests that behaviorists have considered rewards to be useful and “an effective method of changing human behavior.” For example: “you finish your homework, you get a tablet” Or “if dad has more, we go to the park.” Some use words of praise, while others use more tangible items such as sticker charts. In the 1990s, these parents often used rewards, encouragement, and praise for success.

Unconditional parenting shows the exact opposite. Rewards control children, they don’t teach them why they should or shouldn’t do something. This kind of parenting only encourages children to crave rewards, gifts, and praise, instead of teaching them why it’s good to do what’s right for their age or what to eat to be healthy. So new research shows that reward systems don’t change behavior. These are only short-term solutions, and once they are no longer offered, the child’s motivation to make certain demands also disappears.

Understanding instead of punishment

Most often, children do not understand when they are punished. If you make him go to his room when he takes the toy from his little brother, he won’t realize he was wrong. He needs to explain why he is wrong when he is wrong. And he needs his reasons to be heard. And, above all, understood. His interest is piqued by the same toy that has become important to his brother because he wants to imitate the behavior of his younger brother, who is more protected by his parents. He also wants to feel the love and protection that a younger brother receives.

Children often become more rebellious when they are punished. Punishment teaches a child to fear their parents (which is not a good idea at all because they will hide many things for fear of being punished). Punishment teaches a child manipulation. This lowers self-esteem and spoils relationships with children. In addition, it teaches children to overreact to mild conflicts.

Only when parents understand that children have unique interests, goals, temperaments, and behaviors will they be able to express love and compassion regardless of the child’s behavior. Unconditional love is a conscious parenting philosophy that breaks parents away from rewards and punishments so they can learn to build healthy relationships with their children.

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