Childhood trauma is, unfortunately, a fairly common experience. Fortunately, there are ways to get help even as an adult. We explain what childhood trauma is, how it manifests itself, and the best therapeutic strategies that can help.

Trauma is as easy as it is difficult to identify. According to Gabor Mate, a physician and psychologist who specializes in the study of trauma, trauma is divided into trauma with a small letter “t” and trauma with a capital “T”. If the latter category includes childhood abuse (emotional, physical, sexual), domestic violence, the loss of a parent, or a scandalous divorce, trauma with a small letter “t” is less recognized. But they are much more common, painful and affect our relationships with ourselves and others throughout our lives, says Yulia Barka, a psychotherapist. In addition, trauma can leave different traces from person to person, because people do not react to a tragic event in the same way.

What is childhood trauma?

A traumatic event is a frightening or dangerous situation or event that threatens the life or bodily integrity of a child. Simply being present at a dangerous event without being a victim can also be traumatic.

When we talk about traumatic events, we mean:

– abusive relationships (physical, emotional, sexual);

– domestic or school violence;

– psychological or emotional violence;

– sexual violence;

– natural disasters;

– sudden or violent loss of a loved one;

– stress factors associated with the beginning of the war, during which one of the parents leaves or dies;

– sexual exploitation (human trafficking or prostitution);

– neglect;

– serious accidents or life-threatening illnesses.

Consequences of childhood trauma

Such traumatic events often lead to intense physical and emotional reactions. Although the response to trauma can vary from person to person, there are common symptoms of trauma to look out for in both children and adults.

In preschoolers and schoolchildren, the consequences of trauma manifest themselves:

– separation anxiety from parents;

– nightmares

– cries or screams a lot;

– poor nutrition;

– weight loss;

– sleep problems;

– fear or anxiety;

– feelings of guilt or shame;

– concentration difficulties.

In teenagers, the consequences of trauma can include all of the above symptoms, as well as:

– depression or loneliness;

– alcohol and/or drug abuse;

– risky sexual behavior;

– eating disorders or other types of self-harm.

The impact of childhood trauma can also take different forms in adults

Some survivors of childhood trauma may experience:

– long-term health problems, such as diabetes or heart disease;

– problems of compliance with rules (keeping a job, interpersonal relationships);

– post-traumatic stress disorder.

Up to 15% of girls and 6% of boys who have experienced a traumatic experience show symptoms of PTSD. Women suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder two to three times more often than men. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, women who were sexually abused as children or teenagers often experience PTSD symptoms, distorted self-perception, feelings of shame, guilt, self-blame, and chronic physical pain. Childhood traumas can have immediate effects, but they can also manifest later.

What are childhood injuries that we are not aware of

Have you ever wondered if you have signs of childhood trauma? According to psychologist Gabor Mate, adults who suffer from various addictions, addicted to alcohol, tobacco, drugs, those who find themselves outside the law or seriously ill, are those who have suffered serious trauma from childhood. Physical, emotional, sexual neglect or abuse. Addiction is a consequence of suffering. And addicts need to heal their injuries in order to recover.

A traumatized child feels deep shame. He lost his self-confidence, became a victim of what happened to him. The emotional pain is so strong and so long-lasting that, as an adult, he becomes a slave to substances (alcohol, drugs) in an attempt to numb himself. Such an adult has an unresolved trauma. Those things you thought were in the past and you’ve moved on. But memories, even if they are distant or unconscious, are deeply imprinted in everything you feel, do in relation to others, and in your self-esteem. Which is not good.

What are the consequences of childhood trauma for us as adults?

Childhood trauma can sometimes “seep” into adulthood because no matter how hard you try to move on, you still have a traumatized child living with you. If you haven’t gotten enough help or the right therapy to deal with your trauma, that child part of you is still carrying your trauma and suffering. Childhood trauma lives on in your symptoms. In depression. With panic attacks. With eating disorder. Obsessions, catastrophic anxieties and relationship fears. “Trauma with a small letter “t” can mean neglect, emotional disconnection, the absence of an adult nearby who would be attentive and available to the child’s needs. Coming from that background, that’s my norm because that’s what I’m familiar with. Later in adult life, I will expect that the people I form relationships with will not receive attention, will not be there for me, and will not be able to rely on them. If, for example, I was surrounded by toxic people in my childhood, I will tolerate toxicity because it is familiar to me,” Yulia Barka told SmartLiving.ro.

Strategies for overcoming childhood trauma

There are several options when it comes to finding an effective childhood trauma healing strategy. Deep-seated thinking can be changed with strategies that can help you overcome feelings of anger or inadequacy.

1. Let go of anger

In the healing process, the first step is often to let go of anger. “All emotions come with a message that says something about us. Why don’t we listen to them? We don’t need to make an effort not to feel and hear our own emotions,” says psychologist Yulia Barka. By allowing yourself to be angry about how you feel, you are acknowledging your trauma. Victims of childhood trauma often spend years minimizing or denying the event, pretending it didn’t happen, or succumbing to feelings of guilt or self-blame. The only way you can begin to heal is to accept that the traumatic event happened and that you are not responsible for it.

2. Take control

Feelings of helplessness can carry over into adulthood and make you feel and act like a constant victim, forcing you to make choices based on your past pain. When you are a victim, the past controls your present. But when you’ve overcome your pain, the present is in your control. Those who manage to heal their traumas do not ignore their emotions. He accepts them. And he also recognizes that life is uneven. That there will still be circumstances that they simply cannot control. Accept it!

3. Accept your trauma

Accepting an injury does not mean you agree with it. Acceptance means you’ve decided what you’re going to do about it from now on. You can choose to let it rule your life or you can choose to let it go. It won’t magically disappear, but it won’t have the power to affect every area of ​​your life either.

4. Replace bad habits with good ones

Harmful habits can take many forms, such as negativity and mistrust of others or the use of alcohol or drugs when feelings become too heavy. In such cases, a psychotherapist helps. As well as the realization that no matter what happens – you lost your job, your loved one – you are still a valuable person. You are in the process of learning and growing just like everyone else.

5. Be patient with yourself

When you were badly hurt as a child, you develop uncontrolled emotions, hopelessness, defense mechanisms, and distorted perceptions that are difficult to shake off. It will take a lot of time and hard work to get rid of these feelings. Be patient with yourself and enjoy the progress, no matter how small it may seem. It is the small victories in your recovery that will ultimately help you win the battle to heal your childhood trauma.

6. Replace anger with love

Anger at someone who victimized you is paralyzing. Anger at you because they allowed it or you failed to resist is devastating. Remember that people’s evil comes from their own unhealed wounds. The flaws are theirs, not yours. Surround yourself with people who offer kindness instead of hate. Love/kindness helps healing much more than raging anger and harsh criticism.

Photo source: Dreamstime.com