We don’t have our period cannes festival, if news about during applause at the end of every movie. Ttwelve, ten, eight or whatever minutes, when Cannes visitors stand and clap their hands, become one informal measure of film quality and we must count minutes instead of stars.

But to oppose this … a statement from “Cold Reviews”: “_minutes of applause at the premiere_” is just “_shared my brain on instagram” but for cinephiles.

Does it only matter how long the applause is or how loud it is? If someone gets tired during this mini-marathon, what will they do? What if he didn’t like the movie either? Who will be the first to signal the end of the applause? What are the distinguished participants doing all these minutes? (However, in 2021, Leos Carax lit a cigarette and gave one to Adam Driver.) What could be more awkward, applause for so many minutes or singing “Happy Birthday”?

Lots of questions, but the answers don’t really matter. Of course, it must be a great thrill to see in front of everyone the long-awaited film from a great director, with him and the rest of the actors in the hall, in the brightest outfits at one of the most legendary cinema events (of course, most of these visitors are at such events as often as we go out for drinks).

She the condition itself is an exaggeration and self-humility, to applaud louder, to experience the film itself in a heightened way, for reasons not necessarily related to it, or at least not only for them.

Yes, the documentary is great. “Fahrenheit 9/11” from Michael Moore received the Palme d’Or in 2004 and along with a twenty-minute apotheosis. However, so is “Show me now!” from Francis Ford Coppola which suits the festival. Of course it’s also a very good movie. “Pana’s Labyrinth” from Guillermo Del Toro which was applauded for 23 minutes, that is, as long as a short film, an episode of a TV series, or almost as long as a scene from a new “Indiana Jones” wherein Harrison Ford becomes younger, with the help of technology, by 35 years.

Nice too “Insolent Bastards” from Quentin Tarantino who was applauded for seven minutes, but it’s better than “Pulp Fiction”, a film that defined cinematography by one of the most important creators of recent decades and which, probably because minutes weren’t considered so fanatically in 1994, we don’t know how long it was applauded? (Okay, he got the Palme d’Or, let’s not complain.)

You understand that any attempt to take seriously the duration of the film’s applause can only be futile. It’s a nice and catchy gimmick to stir up the buzz around the movie. Of course, it never stops spinning in almost the same realm of sensations as the expensive dresses and serene tuxedos that parade the Croisette red carpet.

After all, Cannes is not only a film festival, but also a big brilliant fiesta, a secular gathering. Always has been and always will be. And it’s also a little funny that now, in addition to the red carpet, we are also fooling around with minutes of applause. But judging a movie by that metric is like counting how many likes an Instagram post got. That is superficial and meaningless.