Unlike previous generations, raising children is no longer the mother’s responsibility. Fathers began to take an increasingly active role in the parenting equation. This is a welcome change, as children develop a healthy sense of who they are when both parents are involved in their lives. However, determining what kind of parent you want to be can be difficult and requires patience and even mistakes. This is normal.

Here are some research-backed tips for dads who want to be close to their kids in a healthy way.

• 1. Show that you care. Participate in their lives

A child will grow up happy and mentally healthy if both parents are close to him. In order for the relationship with the father to be good, it is necessary for the child to feel close to the father as well. This means that the father is available as much time as possible.

First, as a parent, find out what your child likes. If he is interested in planets and stars, go to the planetarium together, read encyclopedias together or watch documentaries on this topic.

Research shows that involvement in a child’s life by showing interest in what he likes, and not the other way around (obligation to interest him in what parents like), has very good results in the psychological development of the child.

Another way to show that you care about your child is to participate in activities that they are involved in. Also, showing interest in his group of friends, spending time with them, and helping him with homework and school projects will all help him grow with a boost in self-esteem, knowing he has your support and acceptance. Organize hikes, weekend getaways, and movie nights together. The key to a good parent-child relationship is as much involvement as possible.

• 2. Don’t be shy about girl talk

Helping your little girl navigate the changes that come with puberty can be challenging for dads. Sometimes it is also a challenge for mothers. But considering these topics taboo, you will only widen the chasm that you will never be able to overcome with your girlfriend. The best approach is to be honest and open about what you know about hormones, emotions, and menstruation. She normalizes puberty and conducts an open dialogue about the changes taking place in her body.

Research shows that early father contact with girls is associated with a lower risk of early puberty, fewer early sexual experiences, and a lower risk of teenage pregnancy. Besides, there are things a girl can only learn from her father.

Don’t be afraid that you may not know anything about the subject; you can document together. In this way, your relationship will improve even more. You may feel embarrassed or your patience may be tested, but don’t let her go through this stage alone; and she feels the same! Encourage her to tell you stories and don’t give up the hugs you gave her when she was little. Regardless of age, children need love, support and encouragement from their parents. Aren’t adults like that too…? Would you like to stop receiving love after a certain age?

• 3. You don’t have to be the hero, just be their hero

Your teenage children aren’t looking for the perfect parent, they don’t need harsh advice and instructions on how to do everything. You should try to build a two-way relationship with them. Sometimes it’s hard; adults also have their frustrations, limited time, and need space to work through their problems. Adults make mistakes too, but the biggest mistake they make is not apologizing. Yes, to their children, if they have been wronged.

If you want to be a good parent, don’t be afraid to correct your mistakes. Admit your shortcomings. And ask for forgiveness. An example of an approach might be: “I want to understand you. To be a good father to you. What can I do for you to show you that I am sorry?” It can be hard at first, especially if you don’t have this exercise, but it’s only hard in the beginning. If you can talk to them, they will learn the basics of a healthy relationship: vulnerability, forgiveness, and love.

• 4. Be there for them, but let them become independent

Excessive care of children, this powerful instinct that exists in every parent, can harm their healthy development. We have a responsibility to protect them, but we have to allow them to make mistakes, because that’s the only way they’ll learn to pay attention to details and protect themselves. And this applies to both girls and boys.

By giving them certain freedoms, the opportunity to do some things independently, they will learn to develop their self-confidence with our help. They will understand how things are going, how to solve problems and know how to do better next time. You, as a parent, are just their safety net, like a circus for trapeze acrobats. By giving him the opportunity to be independent, he will learn more about himself and how to navigate his own life than if you always showed him the “right” way.

• 5. Be loving, this guarantees harmony in the family

A father who is involved in the relationship with the children has a positive effect on them because they are also a real help to the mothers. And if mothers are happy because they have constant support from their husbands, then the children will be happy too. They will grow up in a relaxed, harmonious atmosphere, learn to trust both mom and dad, and will not have behavioral problems in adulthood. This is confirmed by a study conducted by researchers from the University of Oxford.

They analyzed the behavior of more than 10,000 children between the ages of 8 months and 11 years who lived in families where they enjoyed the support of both parents.

• 6. Be consistent and never leave them

Sometimes it is easier for us to bond with children when they are young. When they listen to us, when they rely on us, when they do what we tell them it should be good. No, there is nothing wrong with that. All parents want only the best for their children. But when they grow up, along with the ideas we grew up with, new ones appear. From the entourage, as a rule. Their wishes for future adults are voiced. They want to be approved, they want to impress and break away from their parents. Sometimes this is where the friendship between parents and children breaks down. “I don’t get along with my daughter anymore,” teenage parents often tell their children. Or “I don’t know him anymore, he’s lost his mind.”

And the teenager feels the same. Everything he knew about him changes during this time. But what should remain constant is your love for him. Show him that you love him just as much and that no matter what happens, you will be there for him to learn how to get through this stage together. The best advice you can give him right now is the advice you would give a friend. Love him, not control him. Listen to him, don’t judge. Understand him, don’t judge him.

• 7. Respect your mother

Parents who respect each other and show respect for their children also provide a safe environment for them. When children see that their parents respect each other, they will feel accepted and respected in the parent-child relationship. No matter what we tell our children, they do what they see us doing. It is not enough to talk to them about respect if you treat them or their mother with contempt. But if you show them how people love each other, how they respect each other, how they communicate to solve problems, they will learn later in life what a healthy relationship looks like. And the family is the first school for children.

• 8. Be their advisor

This last role will be secured if you have succeeded in becoming a friend and confidant to your children. It is not easy to get here, but it is beautiful, it is a complete transformation. There are life lessons and skills that your child will not learn from you, but will come to ask you what to do at certain crossroads in life. That is if he trusts you. If he learned that he can tell you anything, even when he’s wrong, because you don’t judge him. You listen to him, understand him and help him choose what is good for him. So, if you’ve managed to become their advisor, you’ve managed to become everything they need.

(Photo source: Dreamstime.com)