Why do ancient statues have such small penises?

At the Vatican Museums in Rome, a group of tourists stand in front of one of the masterpieces: the statue of Laocoon and His Sons (also known as the Laocoon Group).

The roughly 2,000-year-old sculpture is just over two meters tall and depicts the Trojan priest Laocoon and his sons. He is said to have advised his countrymen not to bring the Greeks’ wooden horse into the city because he suspected it was a trick.

In fact, the warriors were hiding on the horse, which sealed the fall of Troy. That was the gods’ plan, and because Laocoon wanted to interfere with them with their warning, they killed him and his children by snakes.

A gripping story from an ancient period, but one detail in particular catches the attention of tourists: Laocoon’s penis is extremely small – and not just that. Throughout the museum, there are statues of muscular men with tiny genitals.

Small penises show ‘rational intellectual with impulses under control’

The group’s tour guide asks if they know why ancient sculptors endowed men so modestly. A Dutch tourist offers his theory: “Statistically speaking, penises in southern Europe should be smaller than those in northern Europe,” he says with a smile.

This was definitely not the reason, clarifies archaeologist and guide Chiara Giatti: “For the ancient Greeks and Romans, large genitals were considered ugly”, she explains. “The masons only modeled small genitals because they wanted to make it clear: this man is a rational intellectual and, as such, has his impulses under control.”

Thus, ancient man had a high degree of self-control and knew how to control himself — unlike the barbarians and some gods, including Dionysus, god of wine, pleasure and ecstasy. He is usually surrounded by satyrs – a short half-man, half-goat (or horse), always naked and portrayed as animalistic and hideous. They celebrated debauched parties and had fun with the nymphs that lived in the forests.

“These forest gods and spirits were voluptuous and their genitals were depicted accordingly,” says Giatti. Dionysus’s son Priapos, whom he fathered with the goddess of love Aphrodite, clearly had the greatest. She abandoned the child with the abnormally large phallus in the mountains. There, shepherds found him, raised him, and revered him as a bringer of fertility because of his impressive private parts.

Beware of Greeks who bring gifts

The small penis as an ideal of beauty was initially a Greek question. Some 2,400 years ago, the poet-comedian Aristophanes recorded what the ideal male body should look like: “Glossy chest, fair skin, broad shoulders, tiny tongue, strong buttocks and a small dick.”

The Romans adopted this idea. And not just them – Renaissance artists like Michelangelo or Raphael were excited by the perfectly modeled masterpieces of antiquity and based their work on them.

Michelangelo’s David, for example, which was created between 1501 and 1504, also has a modest masculinity – although his exposed genitals have been at the center of recent controversy.

The sculpture, which can be admired in the Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, became even more famous than it already was in the United States after a Florida school decided to force the resignation of its director following complaints from parents that their children were exposed. to the “pornographic” masterpiece of the Renaissance in one class.

Study: ‘Piselli’ are getting longer

Currently, society’s perception of male genitalia has changed. Micropenis are no longer perceived as a sign of intellectual eminence, and for many, large penises are considered masculine and represent success.

According to a study published earlier this year by Stanford University in California, they are getting even bigger. Male genitalia have grown by 24% in various regions of the world over the past 30 years, the scientific team reported in The World Journal of Men’s Health.

In ancient times, such proportions would probably have caused aesthetic horror. “Length doesn’t matter, women have known that for a long time”, comments a tourist from Israel, who is in front of the Laocoon group and photographs the ancient genitalia of adequate size.

By the way, in Italy, penises are colloquially called “piselli” – which translates as “peas”.

This article was originally written in German and adapted by John Silk.