There isn’t a parent or teenager who doesn’t feel sad about themselves or others as they go through the formative years. The process can be exhausting for both of them and will not stop until they are divorced.

Alienation and differentiation from childhood and parents will occur as the young person seeks greater independence and individuality. A healthy teenager will strive to achieve both at the same time.

What are the signs of this change?

Because of faster growth than childhood, adolescence tends to be a more emotionally abrasive process for everyone who goes through it. Five major changes break down children’s old dependence on their parents to allow their independence and individuality to emerge, leading to separation from their parents.

Here are the characteristic signs that the baby has begun to change:

1. “We feel less connected than before” – the distance between parents and children increases;

2. “We are different” – increases the diversity of the child;

3. “We face greater resistance from the child” – resistance to authority increases;

4. “We don’t confess to each other like before” – increases the child’s personal privacy;

5. “Friends are more important” – increase their influence.

Sensitivity to emotions

There are many types of sadness that a volatile teenager may experience at this time. It is difficult for him to understand, especially for parents who are going through this period with their child, they never come by themselves, but rather a mixture of states: • impatience, disappointment and irritation; • pain, anger, resentment and resentment.

Simply put: adolescence is naturally a more emotionally sensitive time for both the person experiencing it and the relationship between parents and children. For this reason, it is important for parents and teenagers to know that some moments of unhappiness pass as children grow.

The most important thing is how to perceive these moments of sadness. It is important that parents provide a constructive example of a healthy lifestyle. To do this, they need to help the child put the tension he feels into words. “Whenever we’re upset with each other, we have to talk. Let’s talk about how we feel, about what’s going on. Let’s talk and listen. In this way, we can stay in touch when we gradually drift away from each other, as is normal,” advises psychologist Carl E. Pickhardt.

This can be difficult to achieve when resentment becomes so strong that it clouds the mind.

Emotional moderation

Psychologists call the ability to show mature self-control emotional moderation. This would allow for better judgment, not giving room for hasty actions that were later regretted.

For parents, the lack of emotional restraint in a relationship with a teenager can be costly: “I lost my temper!” “I regret what I said!” “I made a rash decision!” “I panicked!” “My emotional reaction was ‘I’m too tired to think!’ Thus, a difficult situation becomes even more difficult to solve, because the influence of the parent’s reaction complicates the treatment of the adolescent’s behavior problem.

What really happened? Personal feelings have taken over, and hasty words or actions are accompanied by regret: “I wish I could undo my answer…”

While a teenager must muster the strength to grow up, parents must exercise discretion and act maturely. For tired, impulsive, or temperamental parents, maintaining emotional composure—the ability to remain calm, focused, attentive, responsive, motivated, and responsive when the intensity prompts an impulsive response—can be a real challenge.

Emotional reset

Although it seems very difficult to meet the criteria that can help us stay calm in the face of the storm of our teenagers, there is only one thing that can be done to gently, delicately regulate them all: a break. The time that psychologists recommend to us before making a decision, to give an answer. In moments of frustration, psychologists advise us to take a short break to emotionally reset.

Elimination can bring relaxation, reflection, and reorientation of response options. After such a pause, the discussion of the problem begins. “What you did has nothing to do with how I feel—my reaction is my responsibility. I’ve already calmed down, so let’s talk about what happened, how you feel, what concerns me about this topic, what you need from me, and what is best to do” – this can be a possible approach to overcoming a tense situation.

What can parents do to ensure a smooth transition to adolescence for their children?

When children feel loved, they learn that the world is a safe and kind place and have the courage to explore it. “A child separates physically only under the condition of emotional safety. And even when they grow up for us, our teenage children need our warmth, our hugs. The daily routine we have as a family, the evenings we sit for stories, the trips we take together, the moments of joy as well as shared pain are warm and kind moments that my teenage child will take with them and they will use them as an emotional shield in their search. He knows that no matter what happens, there is a refuge to turn to. If he does not perceive the family, parents as a safe place where he can get help, and on the contrary, parents, their reaction is threatening, then the teenager is in danger. If it is difficult for a child to call his parents when he is in trouble, then he is really in big trouble,” he adds.

psychologist Corina Dobre.

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