An outburst of anger or aggression, phobias that did not exist before, changes in sleep and eating, a return to behavior that reflects earlier stages of development, physical discomfort that is not medically explained. All this, according to experts, is a sign that the child is experiencing a loss. The train derailment in Tempe affected children and at the same time caused numbness in parents: What words can you tell a child about what happened without hurting his soul? How to talk to your child about loss?

We should talk to children about everything that affects us as a family and society, about everything that surprises us and makes us look life in the eye, says psychologist-consultant, Frosso Fotinaki. The path changes with age.

“With older children, we will speak openly and in detail about both facts and feelings. We will talk about what happened, ask them how they feel, share ours and focus on how we can help people who need us, for example. through donating blood or sending goods, but also how we can take care of ourselves when it’s hard emotionally. We will focus on social issues, developing their emotional and social intelligence,” he elaborates.

For preschool children, who “reflect” how parents experience what is happening, even if, due to their age, they remain aloof from information about the tragic event, the approach should be different. “At this age, we can share our emotional truth by saying, for example, “I feel sad these days and hugging our family makes me feel better.” Little by little I will feel better,” he adds.

“We sound the signs we see”

“It’s important not to ignore any of the signs we find,” she tells K. Mental Health Consultant, Nancy Psimenatou. “Children are always honest and willing to share if we adults are willing to listen. One question is enough: “How are you today with everything that is happening?” We voice the signs we notice: “I noticed today that you are not playing enough. Are you upset by what’s on TV?” Then we listen carefully to them. Without criticism and without haste. Without… “yes, but life goes on.” We give children time, we give them courage, we support them, we give them choices and connect them with life,” he stresses.

“Together we can do it…”

Are there ways to help children so that they do not experience traumatic loss? The main condition, experts say, is to tell them the truth, providing them, of course, with a strong safety net.

“We are always open to discussing what our children have to bring, and we remain careful and conscious not to force children into the world of adults, but to keep them in touch with the truth of life, offering with empathy the “safety net” of our own presence. on their side. Our truth combined with our presence, active listening combined with acceptance of feelings and the belief that “together, here in our nest, we can do it”, lay the foundation for healthy psycho-emotional management that will not leave a scar in the soul of our child“, He says V Mr. Foteinaki.

We must let the child share our reality, she says, for her part, Nancy Psimenatu.

“We are honest about our thoughts and feelings. We encourage the child to express himself when he is ready, we listen to his positions and questions, especially when he is in pre-adolescence/adolescence and forms his personal identity.

“If teenagers want to paint graffiti to say goodbye, it’s the adults’ job to provide the wall and colors.”

Teenagers these days have felt the need to respond either by participating in demonstrations or by spontaneous activities in schoolyards. Any such reaction is completely normal, he says. Ms Psimenatu and the role of the school in managing these types of crises is very important.

“Adolescents express emotions associated with bereavement, their sadness and anger, their resentment and their fears. If a group of teenagers want to say goodbye to graffiti, it’s the adults’ job to provide a wall and colors. The school, with its attitude, can play a decisive role in overcoming the crises experienced by the child, as it is a space for self-expression, communication, guidance and support.“, he emphasizes.

In danger because of their inattention?

Could a recent tragedy endanger even a fraction of teenage recklessness? Yes, psychologists answer, as teenagers feel even closer to the victims because of the common age identity. “This influence can manifest as phobias and avoidance, psychosomatic reactions, strong emotional outbursts, sadness and anger,” he says. Ms. Fotinaki and explains how we can help children.

“We give them the opportunity to experience their feelings. We encourage sharing, expressing their opinions, crying and relaxing, showing respect for their feelings. Life itself helps us experience, assimilate, comprehend, reassemble, continue. It is enough for children to learn its different aspects, but also the great truth: We cannot avoid every “bad moment,” but we can embrace each such moment, which unites and heals.“.

Traumatic experiences bring us closer to the difficult reality that our safety is not always a given. For this reason he explains Nancy Psimenatuthe experience of an adult is crucial for the “unloading” of a teenager.

“The reassurance they need from us is that people will survive our losses first and foremost. security, though not a given, is not violated by tragedies as often and as cruelly as the tragedies of Tempe.. Our connection with life and the study of it, despite its difficulties, is the only answer to the fears that arise after such incidents, ”he concludes.

Is there a normal reaction to bereavement?

Psychiatrist and researcher of the emotional processes of grief Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, identified in her book Questions and Answers About Death and Dying, which was published about half a century ago, five stages of loss: denial, anger, grief, negotiation, and acceptance. These stages, according to the American-Swiss author, do not have a certain order, duration or intensity, while it happens that someone goes through them more than once. But is there a normal reaction to grief?

“In the pain of loss, it would be another pain if we had to deal with our grief in a certain way, at a certain time,” he replies. Frosso Fotinaki and adds: “Bereavement involves two distinct but parallel processes: managing the loss and maintaining functionality in daily activities and responsibilities as the facts of our lives have changed. Through them, the brain will control pain, the search for meaning, anger, as well as psychosomatic disorders. If, after six months, a person who is grieving continues to experience unbearable grief, not being functional in his daily life, stuck in the trap of loss, not integrating it into a new scenario of his life, then you need to seek specialized help. psychological support”.