“I never expected to experience such happiness, to be able to walk freely on the street, not be subjected to pressure from any side.” Friday afternoon, and Munira from Afghanistan, holding hands with her 8-year-old daughter, smiling, climbs Fokionos Nergi. The 26-year-old managed to divorce her husband and cousin, literally in Greece, to whom her parents “gave her” ten years ago.

The desire and deep need for a truly new life is being expressed by an increasing number of refugee women. Camp workers are often called upon to deal with cases of domestic violence and separate androgynous women into different containers for their safety…

This phenomenon has been observed since the start of refugee flows. “Many women were forced to make a very risky journey alone, and often with children under their responsibility, while many did not leave their village until then,” describes a person with deep knowledge, and “those who succeeded to get to Greece unharmed, they had faith in themselves and the realization that they could do without a husband – even in extremely difficult situations. This forced empowerment, combined with current legislation and Western mentality, encourages many women to seek protection from their dynastic husband, or even end marriages that others have agreed to for them.

“Several of the women who came to us tried unsuccessfully to distance themselves from an abusive partner while they were in their country of origin,” comments Ms. Georgia Hatzioannidu, Gender Violence Case Manager at Diotima. in “K”, which implements the program “Intervention against gender-based violence in urban areas”, which, with the support of the High Commission, operates in Lesbos and Chios, Kos and Leros, among other things, serving refugees. “Thought and desire exist, of course, Greek law on the one hand, but also formalization and protection, on the other hand, reinforce the decision.” Between January and July 2022, Diotima’s program dealt with cases of gender-based violence where the victims spoke English, French, Arabic and Farsi, the languages ​​they had an interpreter for. “Therefore, a large percentage has a country of origin from Afghanistan, Iran, L.D. Congo, Cameroon, and then other countries like Iraq, Algeria, etc.” The age range is 17-50 years old, but most of them were between 20 and 40 years old.

“Finishing a divorce is almost impossible if they do not have a document in which the marriage is recorded, for example, a certificate of marital status,” explains “K” Christian Kyrkou, manager of the Melissa network. “If an androgyne comes to Greece separately, he registers separately with the first admission services, so in a sense they don’t need a divorce to move around Greek territory on their own.” The question, however, is who the children come with and whose children they are registered… “Each party may require confirmation of relationship through a DNA test, which, however, is not covered as an expense.” In their countries of origin, guardianship is usually given to the father or his family, which is an unwritten law that cannot be documented anywhere else.

As Ms. Kirkow clarifies, filing for divorce only makes sense for women who are recognized as refugees and are entitled to legal representation. “The actions that others usually take are complaints and filing injunctions to protect their lives.” This is how the victim and children are removed from the offender and the search for safe housing. It goes without saying that during the quarantine, cases of sexual violence in the camps increased by 100%.

During the quarantine, cases of gender-based violence in the camps increased by 100%.

“It is equally important to separate the cash assistance (that is, the card on which they receive monthly financial assistance, which is interrupted when they receive refugee status), which in Greece is issued in the name of the husband,” emphasizes Ms. Kirkos. “However, they themselves prefer to have an official certificate of divorce in their hands for psychological and cultural reasons in order to be able to enter into a second marriage with a compatriot in the future,” he notes. “However, this remains a challenge.”

“For most women in the Middle East, there is an age milestone that is deeply ingrained in them – 30 years,” notes psychotherapist Ms. Talia Portokaloglou. “If they are over 30, it is difficult for them to imagine such a radical change in their life, they give up, it seems to them that the years have passed.” Also, because most had children under 18, “they have children in their teens, with an opinion they take seriously, especially when it comes to sons.”

Functioning as a day center, the Melissa network sees refugee women participate in a variety of activities – educational, creative, skills development, etc. then, for example, with someone. Greek teacher for the bad lyrics of their marriage,” describes Ms. Nadina Christopoulou, anthropologist and co-founder of Melissa. “Our program against gender-based violence is based on a holistic approach focused on empowering women.” Thus, of course, the regular presence of women, who are responsible for their movements every day, is also possible. However, given the scale of the problem, Melissa has developed a targeted program of individual and group psychotherapy.

“More than 90% of the women with whom I conduct sessions, the request to leave their husband arises as a need, even if it is at the fantasy level,” notes Ms. Portokaloglou. In almost all cases, the spearhead is violence in all forms that is practiced against women. “Of course, with those of us who have the luxury of time, therapy takes us to our parents, since the husband is usually a reflection of the paternal family, where violence and misunderstanding prevailed.” The presence of a mother-in-law or parents in Greece makes it even more difficult for a woman to seek liberation. “They’re trying their best to keep these marriages going, even if they’re far away, they’re pushing through daily communication, they’re threatening.” In addition, for divorce, women are asked to deprive themselves of everything that was still familiar to them – to break off relations with their paternal family, to isolate themselves from society, etc. Their final decision to remain in a repressive marriage is turned upside down when the husband resorts to violence against their children. “It’s a red flag,” Ms. Kirkow confirms.

“The sense of rights enjoyed by women in Europe intoxicates them,” Ms Portokaloglou notes, “but those who make decisions on impulse are often forced to return to their husbands.” Thus, the overall goal is to “give them space and time to discover their own desires, as they lived trapped in social needs and had no opportunity to develop their own identity.”

For the most part, these women unwittingly entered into family life as minors, lived without personal space, even in the circle of large families. “Therefore, they have a painful, long and very important journey ahead of them, the goal of which is to reach a level of consciousness where no one can impose on them the choice that will once again determine their life. “

Taliban, angry father-in-law and “the one who beat me every night”

“I said I would rather die than marry him,” recalls Asal, 24, who lives in Greece with her two children, ages 5 and 8, today. “In Turkey, I was afraid that they would find me.” Under different circumstances, Asal, who was widowed three years ago when her 30-year-old Taliban-fighting husband died in action, could have continued her life in Afghanistan. “But my husband’s brother told me that he wanted me to be his third wife, which I couldn’t even understand,” she notes. “Religion allows us to do this, but it is not accepted.”

“No” young lady is not heard. “So he brings a mullah to … bless our union, and at that moment I take out a knife in front of everyone and cut my veins.” Her father-in-law becomes furious and beats her up and locks her in a room with her children for ten days. However, as her health deteriorated, she had to be transferred to a hospital in Kabul. Luckily for her, she has an ally, a brother married to one of her daughters-in-law. He pays the taxi driver and sends him to the hospital. “I carefully hide the children under the veil and we get into the car.” The driver takes him through land borders in Pakistan, Iran, Turkey, and from there he gets to Greece. “My village in northern Afghanistan has since been controlled by the Taliban, now the whole country is under control,” the girl says sadly. “Many of my brothers and sisters have gone to Iran, except for my beloved brother who is there and I do not communicate with him to protect him.” In 2019, Asal became the first woman to leave the village.

“Here I managed to get refugee status, but since I do not have documents confirming that I am the guardian of the children, I cannot take them with me to Germany, where my sister is, and I have the right to do so. “The next major concern concerns her livelihood, since as a recognized refugee she is no longer eligible for housing or financial assistance. “I’m looking for a job, but I have nowhere to leave my children, as I understandably have no ties to the community,” she says.

By proxy, when she was sixteen, Munira Hamidi married a cousin of her own age. “We lived in Iran for many years, Greece was his decision, I didn’t want to follow, but his father insisted,” he says. “Of course, I could not imagine that Greece would reserve my freedom.”

The husband and the whole family physically abuse Munira. The couple arrived in Samos 4 years ago. Her husband puts pressure on her to get a certificate of mental illness under the pretext that she will be quickly transferred to Athens. “My compatriots, however, warn me against this, because I will lose both custody of my daughter and the ability to move independently.” He beats her every night to convince her. At the same time, she has an extramarital affair, she spends all the financial assistance for her sake. Thus, Munira decides to seek help, as they have been transferred to a camp in Attica. “Every day I reach out to any member of the organization I find, telling my story countless times.”

When they decide to recommend him, the forest stops. In the next big event, in front of the child, Munira is settled in a hostel and a divorce is initiated. “He easily agreed to a divorce, because, lies, he didn’t want this marriage either,” she concludes. “He hasn’t bothered me since.

• 177 women and 232 children refugees were accommodated in hostels for women victims of gender-based violence from 01/11/2019 to 09/30/2021.
• 71 refugee and immigrant women received support through interpretation at 12 counseling centers and 10 hostels between April 2020 and October 2020.
• 263 sessions conducted through interpretation, mostly in person and less frequently by phone/Skype (collaboration UNICEF, METAdrasis, KEFI).
• Source: General Secretariat for Equality, 1st and 2nd Annual Reports on Violence against Women.