In one of the most powerful moments of HBO’s Euphoria, Kat is in a terrible mood and does what anyone in her place would do: lying in bed with a bunch of potato chips and watching a reality show on her laptop. Suddenly, she imagines a group of influencers with perfect skin, hair, and proportions appearing in her room and screaming rhythmically at her. “love yourself”.

Phrases like this are clichés repeated by people of all stripes. wellness guru, yogi, life coaches And self-improvement writers. At the same time, social media has spawned a host of other “experts”: famous stars and influencers who preach that “everything will be fine” if you like them (at best) or buy such and such a product.

There are many – and usually expensive – ways to “do it right” and achieve “the best version of yourself”: breakfast with coconut milk and chia seeds, intermittent fasting detox, energy crystals, yoni eggs from her company Gwyneth Paltrow, Soul cycle (something like spinning, but with encouragement from the instructor).

Positive affirmations that become toxic

But aside from the wellness industry (which should be fueled by constant striving for excellence anyway), there are simpler, more everyday ways to make that “everything is good.” invades our lives. This could be advice an influencer will give you during an Instagram Q&A: we saw this during the lockdown, for example, when they called people “stay positive” through their ideal homes.

Even a friend will often tell you that “There are worse” when you are frustrated or sad and all you want to do is whine. In a more extreme example, even after a loss or tragedy, you might read a self-improvement book or ask someone to tell you about it. “Everything happens for a reason”that you must not stop thinking positively.

Somehow we come to toxic positivity. “Instead of sharing sincere feelings and finding unconditional support, people see that their feelings are rejected, ignored, or discounted open,” Mr. points to “K”. Emmanuel Kargakisclinical psychologist and head of the Internus Center for Counseling and Psychotherapy.

The desire for self-improvement and the search for simple solutions

“A person has no place and right to express his feelings”

Mr. Kargakis, of course, notes that well-intentioned, positive, optimistic advice—such as “don’t think negatively” or “love yourself just the way you are”—is not fundamentally problematic when it leads a person to the process. finding meaningful ways to implement them.

However, under the influence of constant filled with positivity – especially from social networks – people make two mistakes: either they are immersed in the process “strive for self-improvement”or looking for it simple and fast (and usually imperfect) solution get out of a difficult situation.

Regarding the first of the two mistakes, Mr. Kargakis emphasizes: “Well-being and self-improvement are both terms that are really important for a person’s mental health. But when they are reached huntingclearly leads to stress and anxiety to personality.”

He continues: “People under the influence of social media can they obsessively pursue what does not really bring them well-being but stressbecause it is out of their interests and preferences.”

In the second case, the search for a quick solution to achieve a “positive” goal (love for yourself, ease a difficult period) often leads to the opposite results. “A person he has no place and the right to express his feelings about the problem he is facing. However, he may feel shame, anger or even disappointment because he cannot cope with his problem, ”says the clinical psychologist.

Consequences of toxico-positivity

Ultimately, being bombarded with excessive positivity is not only useless, but leads to harmful for the mental health of the individual. Clinging to and obsessing over constantly positive thinking leads to the following consequences:

1. Causes shame and guilt: Toxic positivity tells people that if they can’t find a way to feel positive even in the face of tragedy, then their feelings are “wrong” and need to be changed.
2. Works like evasion mechanism real emotionas we are taught not to accept our negative emotions and cancel them.
3. This hinders personal development: By avoiding unpleasant emotions, it deprives us of the ability to confront difficult emotions that can ultimately lead to growth and deeper understanding.

Potentially dangerous is the fact that by learning to avoid negative emotions, people may discourage seeking professional helppreferring to rely on the advice of various non-specialists. No matter how well-intentioned others (whether our friends, gurus or influencers) may be, they cannot replace mental health professionals.

“It’s really infuriating. OUR pseudoscience it spreads more and more and many people without any knowledge and experience provide mental health services. This can have serious consequences in the lives of people who will seek support from someone who takes on this role without proper training, ”says the head of the Internus center.

How to deal with toxic positivity

Finally, Mr. Emmanuel Kargakis gives 3+1 simple tip For those who feel weighed down by toxic positivity:

1. Recognize negative emotions as naturally and as an important part of the human experience.
2. Don’t avoid their feelings, but acknowledge and name them.
3. Search support and talk about all your feelings (yes, negative ones too) with reliable, unbiased people, such as friends, family, or a mental health professional.

Mostly, however, for people who are trying to help anyone who is having some kind of difficulty, he says the following: “It would be better instead of “in the end everything will be fine” to say to the person:what you’re going through is hard, i’ll be here for whatever you need“”.