Positive discipline is not only a modern trend in raising children, but also something that education experts recommend for healthy and harmonious development. We explain the most effective discipline strategies to use when a child does not listen, according to modern parenting theories.

Beating is not from heaven!

Blows and harsh words are harmful and do not work. That’s what specialists say, researchers say. Spanking often increases aggression and anger in children. A study of children born in 20 large US cities showed that in families where parents used physical punishment, the more children were spanked, the worse they later behaved.

“Studies show that hitting, slapping and other forms of physical punishment have a bad effect on correcting a child’s behavior. The same goes for yelling at or shaming a child. In addition to being ineffective, harsh physical and verbal punishment can also harm a child’s physical and mental health in the long term,” reports the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

Scientists have also noticed that physical punishment can also affect brain development. One study found that young adults who were repeatedly spanked had less gray matter, the part of the brain involved in self-control, and lower IQ test scores compared to young adults in a control group.

Lucy Kluwer, professor of child and family social work at Oxford University and mother of two boys, advocates positive discipline. “The evidence is clear: yelling and hitting simply don’t work, and can actually do more harm than good in the long run. Repeated fights and blows can even negatively affect a child’s entire life. The persistent toxic stress it creates can lead to a range of negative outcomes, such as a high risk of dropping out of school, depression, drug use, suicide and heart disease,” said Professor Lucy Kluwer, according to UNICEF, which believes that a positive approach to discipline emphasizes developing a healthy relationship with the child and setting expectations for the child’s behavior.

If you are struggling to manage your child’s behavior or feel overwhelmed, seek the help of a child development specialist or psychologist for additional support and guidance.

Below are also specific recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), who have provided several healthy discipline strategies that work with children.

1. Draw the borders

Do you have clear and consistent rules that your children can follow? If not, make them up and explain these rules in an age-appropriate way so the younger ones can understand them. There must be certain boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Be firm and stick to the rules, otherwise if they see they can easily break them, they will do it every time, and then you can no longer claim to be listened to. Remember to regularly remind them of boundaries and rules. Little ones forget more, but repeat over and over again and they will learn them more easily. It is important to be consistent in applying rules and consequences for inappropriate behavior.

2. Use the power of example

Teach children to distinguish between good and evil. Explain with examples and actions. Show them the behavior patterns you would like to see in them. Show them when you say what you want from them, how to be what you want, they will understand it more easily.

3. Warn the child about the consequences

The child must know that his behavior has consequences. Therefore, patiently, calmly and firmly explain to them what they are. If they don’t pick up their toys at the end of playtime, you put them away for the rest of the day. You will have to practice what you say. It is important not to give in, returning the toys to him after a few minutes. If he hits the car on the ground, he will ruin it and will no longer be able to play with it, if he tears the pages of the book, he will no longer be able to enjoy it. The main rule for parents is to never deprive a child of something that he really needs, for example, food, water. Consequences should be directly proportional to behavior.

4. Listen to what the child has to say

Often, parents notice the child’s inappropriate behavior and “blame” her, not giving her the opportunity to say why she acted the way she did. Listening is important, so take your time and let your child tell you about their misbehavior. In this way, you can find out the reason why he became naughty. He may be jealous that you paid attention to someone, he may be disappointed or angry. It is important to determine what caused his condition and talk about it with the child.

5. Give him your full attention

The most powerful tool for effective discipline is parental attention, says the AAP. To reinforce good behavior, parents should focus on their children’s actions and praise them when they are good and obedient. All children want their parents’ attention. In families with several children, experts recommend that parents pay attention to each child in turn to meet their different needs.

6. Talk about the good things he does

Children need to know when they are doing something wrong and also when they are doing something right. Emphasize good behavior by praising success and successful attempts. Be specific, like “You did a good job putting that toy away!” Use effective communication by telling him about his behavior and your expectations. Be sure to explain to them why certain behaviors are important and how they affect others if they are inappropriate.

7. Ignore some behaviors

As long as your child isn’t doing something dangerous and getting lots of attention for good behavior, ignoring bad behavior can be an effective way to prevent it from happening again. Sometimes a child simply wants to attract the attention of an adult with his inappropriate behavior. Sometimes he doesn’t know and does it unintentionally. If he drops and breaks the toy, he will not be able to play with it. He will soon realize that this is bad behavior.

8. Be prepared for “trouble in paradise”

Disobedience can bring even minor troubles. For example, climbs in an unauthorized place, falls and fights. It is chosen with a cone. Prepare him for such events and explain to him how you want him to behave proactively and avoid problems. Build a relationship with your child so that he feels understood and loved, and knows that he can turn to you with any problem or question.

9. Distract bad behavior

Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don’t know what else to do. In such situations, the role of parents is extremely important. By offering other activities for the child, you will distract him from inappropriate behavior.

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