Gentle parenting is an approach to parenting that prioritizes the connection between children and parents. Key elements of this parenting style include encouraging children’s independence and expressing their feelings in comfort and safety, and the freedom to feel their emotions without judgment, correction, or reprimand. All this without exception to the rules.

Four parenting styles are widely used in psychology, each of which has its own advantages and disadvantages. Three of these were developed by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, who first identified children’s behavior patterns and then looked at the parenting style they received. These are: authoritarian (democratic), authoritarian (dominant) and permissive (lenient) styles.

In the 1980s, Maccoby and Martin identified a fourth style, namely the neglectful (non-involved) style. Everyone has pros and cons. Psychologists believe that an authoritative parenting style is also the most balanced and gives the best results in children’s development. But no parent will be able to apply the rules of only one parenting style. There are situations when you, as a parent, need to be authoritative and impose rules, just as there are situations when it is good to be lenient and understanding.

What is gentle parenting and why is it so popular these days

Gentle parenting falls under the category of “authoritative parenting,” but it also contains elements from the realm of authoritative parenting. The four main elements described by nurturing parenting founder Sarah Oakwell Smith include empathy, respect, understanding, and limits. Parents who parent gently ensure that their children feel compassion by acknowledging their feelings and use understanding to make sure their children feel heard.

Unlike authoritarian parenting, gentle parenting uses respectful discipline methods instead of harsh punishments. There is evidence that warm and responsive parenting is the most successful in terms of child outcomes. In families where gentle upbringing is practiced, there are fewer conflicts, parents are happier, and children brought up with gentleness are smarter, with better emotional self-regulation, higher self-esteem.

And the long-term relationships between these parents and their children are healthier.

Why some parents think that nurturing parenting doesn’t work

The most frequent accusations against this style of upbringing are complaints from parents who, although they follow all the gentle rules, or, as they say, fiercely fight against the bad behavior of their children. But wanting to “force my child to behave the way I want” is wrong from the start.

Gentle upbringing does not aim to achieve “good” behavior of the child as the main goal. This is an authoritarian approach to parenting. Just like when you reward your child for being good, you will only force them to be good in that moment. The goals of caring parenting are long-term and include helping children learn emotional safety, resilience, and healthy relationships with their parents.

This helps children become adults who can function well psychologically and emotionally. And for this, gentle parents allow and support all the emotions of their children.

The four principles of caring parenting are explained

Here is a detailed description of the four main principles of caring parenting: h3: 1. Compassion Empathy is the first key aspect of caring parenting.

According to experts, a child’s feelings and experiences are too often dismissed, belittled or completely ignored even by well-intentioned parents. It makes them feel like they don’t matter, that their voices aren’t being heard. Through caring parenting, parents are encouraged to consider their children’s feelings, trying to understand their child’s behavior and considering how to respond.

2. Respect

The second principle of gentle upbringing is respect. With gentle parents, there should be mutual respect between children and parents. A simple way to foster respect in the parent-child relationship would be to listen when the child is speaking, ask questions first, and only respond later.

3. Understanding

The third principle is understanding. According to key elements of gentle parenting, when children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to come to their parents in times of crisis. They are more willing to listen and follow their parents’ rules, which prevents power struggles. One of the most important aspects of this type of parenting is teaching parents typical expectations for children’s development.

The growth and development of the brain is partially genetically determined, it is true. But the way the brain grows depends on emotional interactions, social interactions, and environmental conditions, all of which presuppose the presence of parents with the child.

4. Borders

The fourth and final key to caring parenting is setting boundaries and sticking to them. Unlike permissive parenting, which may be lax on limits, or indifferent parenting, which may offer no boundaries, gentle parenting encourages parents to set clear guidelines that foster a healthy, loving, and stable environment.

Specific boundaries vary from family to family, but usually include elements of communication, expectations, and behavior.

Types of parental reactions in caring upbringing

Here are some vivid examples of gentle upbringing.

Security

Children need to grow up safe, they need to understand what is right and what is wrong, and their consequences. For example, if your child is about to run across the street, hit someone, or do something that could cause injury, stop them immediately! Regardless of the parenting style you follow.

How you respond after that gesture matters, but for now, whatever kind of parent you want to be, you have to tell him, “Sit down! You are not allowed to do that!” Clear and concise.

Expectation

We all want children who understand and behave like lords, but you have to ask yourself: are your expectations appropriate for the child’s developmental level? Remember that a child’s brain is not developed enough to think logically (at least until the age of 4, when the prefrontal cortex of the brain begins to develop.

Then it slows down in adolescence due to the influx of hormones, then continues to develop until the age of 20). In addition, in childhood, they are formed only from instincts and emotions. This understanding is critical to being able to communicate effectively with your child.

Understanding

When you understand what your true expectations should be, you can better understand his behavior.

Understanding him doesn’t mean letting him behave inappropriately, it means understanding his mood and explaining to him that you feel the same way sometimes, and most importantly, that it’s okay to have negative feelings sometimes. The key here is to truly feel and express compassion. Think about how you feel and what your needs are when you are angry/nervous/frustrated. A person who supports you makes you feel heard and understood.

This does not prevent you from experiencing your feelings magically. You still feel them, but it’s like you can handle them more easily with a friend!

Find out the reason

Kids aren’t bad because they want to be, or because they enjoy messing up your plans. A “bad” child is a child who does not know how to react when he is uncomfortable, when something has changed in his life, when he feels anger, sadness or when something provokes him.

What do you do when you get here? You return to empathy. You calm him down by listening to him, asking him how he feels, and only then decide what to do. The principles of nurturing parenting are not behaviors that emerge from our lifestyle. They are revealed in what we do to each other every day. When we are sad, we like to be heard and understood. When we are frustrated, we complain to our friends and express ourselves in this way.

So are the needs of children. If you’ve been using a different parenting style up until now and you’re wondering if you can change it, the answer is definitely yes!

Photo source: Dreamstime.com