Violence leaves a deep mark on children’s psyche. An act of aggression does not occur out of the blue, but is a consequence of an environment that promotes such actions, psychologists draw attention. A responsible parent should not ignore the fact that a beaten child returns from school, or if he discovers that his own child is the aggressor. Who should it be addressed to?

Two students fight in the classroom, and the rest of the children are filmed on mobile phones. Calls are heard in the background: “Give it! Share the recording on social networks.

Unfortunately, physical violence at school is not uncommon in Romania, and after the COVID-19 pandemic forced students to stay at home, the phenomenon of school violence has returned with even greater force.

Actions to be taken if an act of violence has occurred at school

The lists of the few non-governmental organizations that carry out projects of school counseling and psychotherapy services stretch for months, the need for such services is very high, emphasizes psychologist Mihaela Dinu, an expert of the Romanian organization Save the Children.

“The child who was physically abused was most likely also insulted. Parents should first contact the principal or teacher. Then to the school counselor, the school director. The school must have the initiative group that is provided for by law. But, if it is not there, you need to report the aggression to someone at the school. why Because the incident occurs in a school environment and then the support and participation of those there is needed to reduce the phenomenon. The school should work on the preventive side of the phenomenon,” the psychologist believes.

After this acquaintance, the second step should be a meeting with the parents of the aggressor child. “Basically, adults should talk to each other. Parents, teachers, representatives of the anti-bullying group, school counselor – the participation of the latter is very important. And then messages about prevention and situation management should be sent to the group of students,” the psychologist adds.

The message can be both written and verbal, the expert also says: “It depends a lot on the school’s relationship with the respective parents. In the sense of communication. Are they open to communication or not.”

There are situations where verbal communication alone is enough to get things going, but there are also schools that are very formal and require written reports. Any written complaint must be answered within 30 days. “If you ask me, things should be moving a lot faster. That is, the father says and the measure is accepted. He doesn’t wait 30 days to get a written answer,” emphasizes Mihaela Dinu.

Signs that the child is emotionally damaged

If the parents see that the child is emotionally affected by the incident, then it is necessary to start taking measures, the psychologist recommends. How can parents notice this? One of the signs is the child’s refusal to go to school. Because he is afraid. The second sign is to start studying poorly at school. Sleep and eating disorders are added. The child becomes withdrawn, does not want to leave his room and does not want to communicate.

“If the father sees all this, then he should try to talk to the child, confirm her emotions, understand that she is angry, that she is angry, that she no longer wants to go to school. And try to help him. If he can’t, I recommend that you consult a psychologist.”

It is desirable that such a specialist works in the school. “A very important aspect in the situation of the phenomenon of violence in the classroom is that it is necessary to work with all categories of children. Accordingly, those who aggress, those who are victims, but also those who are witnesses. Why are witnesses also important? Because by their behavior, they either encourage the event to happen, or restrain it. If the aggressor has supporters, then escalation takes place,” the expert draws attention.

If the school does not have a counselor, parents can turn to private psychologists.

What to do when a bully is in front of you

In the second situation, when the aggressor is one’s own child, communication between adults is very important. “From a therapeutic point of view, in such a situation, it is necessary to work much more constantly and intensively with the child and from the parent’s side.

That is, it is necessary to help the father manage such moments of the child. To know what messages it is sending, how to fix this behavior. Because if a long time passes and everything is not balanced, there is a risk that these children will acquire delinquent behavior,” the psychologist draws attention.

We should not overlook the fact that most often an aggressive child comes from an aggressive family. And if the child sees tensions and conflicts in the family, he somehow takes them on himself. The psychologist notes that, in turn, a child who exhibits aggressive behavior is an emotionally unbalanced child: “He needs help to manage his anger, to control his emotions. And yes, sometimes children who are victims in the family environment can become bullies in their group of friends.”

But there are also situations when a child from a non-aggressive family ends up fighting at school: “We can talk about balanced families that give the child what he needs, and yet the child is aggressive. In such a situation, it may be about the influence of the group, especially in adolescence and pre-puberty. Somehow, in these cases, the family dynamics do not match the type of behavior of the child. But the first example for a child is the family,” concludes Mihaela Dinu.

A December 2021 study of child abuse by Save the Children Romania shows that 16% of teenagers usually go to school stressed, 12% scared and 5% sad. More than 4% noted that they spend breaks between classes alone, without communicating with other colleagues.

Out of approximately 7,000 educational institutions, only 150 are supported by school counselors and psychologists.

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