“Did you do your homework?”, “Did you collect the toys?”, “Did you brush your teeth?” How many times a day do you ask these questions? If your kids also need constant reminders about their daily responsibilities, especially if you’re tired of it, here are strategies that can help.

Lack of motivation affects children as much as adults

Children who show little interest in doing something without being pushed from behind are, to say the least, lacking in motivation. Lack of motivation can be caused by anxiety due to past disappointments and discouragements. “How badly you wrote this assignment!” Even if you as a parent often think you are motivating your child, sometimes you may be doing it wrong: for example, “Why can’t you be as good as Andrew?” is an approach that should not be used anyway.

“The signs that a child is sick are noticeable if you give them time. For example, he refuses to play a game that he still liked, says certain things about it – “I can’t do it, I can’t do it.” Regarding actions that you used to do or tried to do, you notice behavioral regressions,” explains Ramona Ivan, a family and couple psychotherapist. Self-restraint, lack of initiative in actions, lack of confidence in knowing the world, low self-esteem, identification with received negative labels – this behavior of children is caused by parents’ discouragement, the psychologist adds.

Strategies that work

There are ways that can help your child develop a positive attitude towards their responsibilities; make him curious about the world around him; learn to take responsibility and, finally, do what you ask of him today. Motivation stimulates children, as well as adults, arousing their interest in tasks.

1. h3: The power of predictability

Routines, those actions that follow a well-established order, an order known to the child, have a positive effect on children’s cognitive, social and emotional development. A growing body of research shows that unpredictable childhood environments can affect the developing brain and even mental health years later.

Here is an image that a psychologist explains very well: children cannot be parents to themselves and children at the same time. In the absence of rules and predictability of the schedule, they feel restless, confused, as if they have no direction. It’s like imagining a huge labyrinth (everyday life through the eyes of a child), from where you leave the child to find a way out. He will be frightened, disoriented, and even if he manages to reach the exit, he will be exhausted from the journey and will not enjoy it, explore, observe, being consumed by the strong emotions he feels while trying to survive in the maze. “Routine has many positive effects: calmness, confidence, independence, develops communication and organizational skills, makes time in the daily schedule for all family members,” says Ramona Ivan.

Routines are not just things that happen before bed or after the kids get home from school. Another daily routine that helps build strong relationships with children is dinner, when the whole family talks about the day’s events. Or the moment in the morning when young children need a boost of love before going to school. A routine helps them understand their emotions and manage them when things change.

2. h3: Can we ever skip the routine?

We can skip a procedure by also implementing a ‘skip procedure’ procedure. For example: sleep at 7:00 p.m., except on days when we have guests or are invited. In these cases, the time is, for example, 21:00. Or: we only eat 2 portions of sweets, except on days when we have a party or are invited to a party, in which case we are allowed to eat 3 portions. But set new rules together with the children. “Exceptions don’t break the rules as long as we define what they are and how they work. All communication, listening and adaptation to different life situations are decisions. Rigidity has never been a functional technique in parenting,” says Ramona Ivan, a family and couple psychotherapist.

3. h3: It is one thing to tell them, and quite another to explain them

You are an adult and you know how much should happen in a day for the family to function. For example, you think about all the things you need to do in the morning before you wake up the kids and after they wake up so you can get to school on time. They don’t see your thoughts and therefore don’t know how much needs to be done each morning.

Make a list of all this and talk with the children. Explain to them that if they brush their teeth in the morning, you will have time to make them breakfast from home or school bags. Make a list of all the things that need to be done, but only for one day. Discuss with them what they would like to do themselves every morning. Or something they would like to learn how to do. By asking them, you’re showing them that housework isn’t just an unpleasant task to be avoided as long as possible. And the fact that it is placed next to the daily activities in the family list will let him know that he plays an important role in the family, like all other family members.

The human brain develops until the age of 25, and the area that needs development all these years is the prefrontal cortex. Located in the front of the head, this area is involved in the activation of important factors such as attention, planning, decision-making, control, logical thinking, personality development and short-term memory. But each child develops in his own style. Genetics play an important role, but this process can also be influenced by external factors.

A stimulating environment for a child can increase his ability to learn by 25% or decrease it, in the case of a less stimulating environment, says the psychologist. “When my first blonde was born, I went to a well-known and good pediatrician (it was the period of colic), and the “recipe” he gave is etched in my brain and comes to mind in many situations in life, although my blonde will soon be 10 years The doctor took the prescription and wrote on it: “A LOT OF PATIENCE AND A LOT OF LOVE,” the psychologist recalls.

4. h3: Struggle for power

Adults often make decisions on their own and involve children only after they have made them. That is, they communicate and then expect to be heard, says Alfie Cohn, author of Unconditional Love for Your Child. In his editorial approach, the famous author does not ask “How to make our children listen?”, but starts from another question – “What are the needs of our children and how do we satisfy them?” Psychologist Ramona Ivan draws attention to the inappropriate use of “I have to” or “because I say so” by parents. “Must”, says the psychologist, is fast, but focused only on the result and ignores any other feelings, desires, awareness.

The “consequences of the obligatory” are long-lasting and give access to the entire process, states, and emotions. It is a learning process. Example: “Wake up, you HAVE to be at school at 8:00” – said exactly like that – will cause hysterics, disappointment in both the child and the parents. To understand the whole process, the child should be allowed to see the consequences of being late to school – a closed school yard, disrupting a class that has already started, etc. – and the parent should remain calm with the child. , give him the opportunity to decide for himself how to act the next day.

“A child’s NO is normal. This means affirming his personality, not denying your authority. This is also done in the area of ​​safety restrictions, functionally defined boundaries of the family and in the absence of rigidity, which would prevent the constant review and modification of these restrictions and rules, depending on the age of the child,” says Ramona Ivan.

This is a process that must always be repeated

Children’s development is not linear. Like us adults, children can be overwhelmed by certain conflicts – a fight with a friend, increased demands at school or a global pandemic. You will have to rest, hug, listen, understand. And then help him find a way to continue. Set new rules together. But keep in mind that when something stops working, it’s not necessarily a problem, but a signal that things can no longer be done the way they were before. That something needs to be changed.

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