The more we run after happiness, the more we fall into depression and anxiety. True happiness should not be a goal or an outcome, but rather a result of how we live and interact with everything around us.

True happiness or joy that lasts is a state of mind and comes from within. It is a conscious response that can be cultivated and learned consciously and actively, regardless of what is happening outside.

“We are often wrong about the things we think will make us happy. Too often, we choose dulling, effort-minimizing options like sitting on the phone or watching TV shows instead of engaging in meaningful, revitalizing activities. Think of these habits as empty calories—the emotional equivalent of junk food,” explained Dr. Samantha Boardman, an American psychiatrist and author of Everyday Vitality: Turning Stress into Strength.

Another recommendation of psychologists is to consider emotions as primary and secondary. Primary emotions arise involuntarily, but we can control how we interpret them. “For example, it is normal to immediately feel irritated if a stranger hits us on the street, or to feel fear when we hear an unexpected noise in the house. But we have some control over how we interpret these feelings, and whether we want to hold onto them or try to replace them with something else – secondary emotions, to be precise. So, while it’s impossible to feel happy all the time or completely eliminate the negative emotions we experience throughout the day, we can choose to think and behave in ways that promote joy,” said Dr. Vale Wright, clinical psychologist and director of the American Psychological Association. .

Eight conscious strategies for creating a state of lasting happiness

Here are eight strategies suggested by psychologists to find joy in everyday things.

• 1. Set realistic expectations. “Emotions come and go, no feeling, positive or negative, lasts forever,” notes Dr. Wright. That’s why it’s important to have realistic expectations in the first place – to avoid resentment, disappointment and frustration that arise from unmet goals.
• 2. Do not reject negative feelings. Suppressing or denying negative emotions creates increased levels of stress, which over time can manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, high blood pressure, heart palpitations, and digestive problems. This is why recognizing and accepting the full range of emotions, including negative ones, is essential to our well-being. “We have a lot to learn from negative emotions and stressful situations. Learning to accept and adapt to a range of emotions, rather than completely eliminating negative experiences, can help us become more resilient,” explains Dr. Boardman.
• 3. Embrace yourself with compassion. “Many of us are overly self-critical, and this perfectionism interferes with our ability to fully experience joy,” says Dr. Catherine Gordon, a clinical psychologist. Instead of obsessing over every detail that didn’t live up to your expectations, Dr. Gordon suggests practicing self-compassion and self-love.
• 4. Build meaningful relationships. “Relationships and social interactions are the most reliable sources of joy and well-being,” says Dr. Boardman. According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, communication is the most successful way to increase happiness compared to other strategies such as eating healthier, working better, and more.
• 5. Don’t be yourself. When it comes to finding happiness, “be yourself” is advice we hear all the time. “I have a counterintuitive approach. To help them open their minds, I often tell patients to “don’t be yourself.” This is because we often have fixed ideas about ourselves. So the way we think about ourselves can become a barrier to growth and true happiness,” says Dr. Boardman. “I encourage patients to expand their self-concept by acting in ways that are not their own,” she says. specialist.
• 6. Watch your thoughts. “Our thoughts and emotions affect our behavior, which in turn affects our physical health,” says Dr. Gordon. For example, if we are depressed, our thoughts may be self-critical, and our emotions may be associated with shame. If we feel self-critical and ashamed, we’re less likely to spend time with friends, be physically active, or take care of ourselves (like sleeping and eating well), explains Dr. Gordon. In addition, it can also lead to unhealthy behaviors like overeating, impulsive spending, substance use, etc.
• 7. Create a balance between ups and downs. “Research shows that chronic, uncontrolled stress can lead to negative physical and mental health outcomes, including high blood pressure, obesity, cardiovascular disease, depression and anxiety,” says Dr. Wright. Although stress is an inevitable part of everyday life, the key is to maintain a balance between the ups and downs, according to the expert.
• “We can counteract stress by cultivating or observing at least two mundane but inspiring moments a day, such as learning something new, reading a book, or cooking with the family,” says Dr. Boardman. The psychiatrist notes that it is important to know that only thoughts about happy events are not enough. Neither of these is passive scrolling of videos on social networks or flipping through TV channels. True ascension requires full attention and involves at least a micro-moment of connection with something or someone.
• 8. Don’t wait to really know yourself. While it’s important to take the time to understand who you are and how you identify, it’s not a prerequisite for happiness. In fact, according to Dr. Boardman, this approach can prevent you from experiencing joy. “This is because it encourages inflexible thinking and prevents you from realizing that you are in a continuous process of development and knowledge,” concludes the expert.