Academic research has devoted years of work and effort to understanding what makes a relationship last and others fall apart.

Not surprisingly, big changes in finances often shake the foundations of a relationship. However, the researchers found that not only the loss of money is a test for the couple, but vice versa.

Both gaining and losing money disrupt partners’ understanding of shared values, beliefs, or assigned roles in a relationship. When couples can’t adjust to their new financial situation and can’t communicate their concerns or desires, a marriage or relationship can be in jeopardy, researchers and relationship counselors say.

“Contrasting views on how a couple can handle extra income can cause problems,” says Marina Edelman, a marriage therapist in California.

She recently offered her services to a couple who unexpectedly made a lot of money from her husband’s lucrative business, but when they had to agree on how to manage the money, there were many gaps in their communication.

“All the joy and excitement dissipated,” Ms. Edelman said, noting that “they were so focused on what they were going to buy (including material goods) that they didn’t care at all about achieving. It really ruined their marriage,” she said.

Financial fluctuations can shake relationships

At the same time, new research shows that large financial swings in either direction (including losses or gains) can shock couples equally.

Both scenarios could reveal cracks in a marriage that were previously tolerated or ignored, according to David Cesarini, an economics professor at New York University.

In particular, the researchers followed lottery winners in Sweden for 10 years after the jackpot. In a working paper published in March, their team found something surprising. Whoever won the lottery also “determined” the future of marriage.

Couples are millionaires without any communication

“It’s incredible because I see the same patterns. There are couples who make $100,000 or $1 million a year and don’t communicate,” said Adam Kohl, a Florida-based financial therapist.

He explains that in some respects one of the partners takes on the role of the household’s financial manager. However, this situation changes when there is a difference in economic status.

General plan or basic understanding

“Couples hesitate if they don’t have a shared plan for the future or a basic understanding of how to manage income change,” Kohl said.

Other studies show that while changes in the economy can cause problems, rising incomes tend to be associated with greater stability.

“In general, wealthier couples are at lower risk of divorce,” says Alexandra Killewald, professor of sociology at Harvard University. A Harvard professor noted that households with less than $40,000 have a higher divorce rate.

“Money affects people’s personal lives, as everyone perceives the meaning of suddenly gaining or losing money differently,” he concludes.

Source: WSJ