When a friend, partner, family member, or colleague is sad, you probably wonder what you can do to make them feel better. Let him go crazy? Offer him a meal? Leave him alone so he can cry? The ideal approach is individual for each person and situation.

But more and more research shows that talking is one of the most effective ways to comfort someone who is suffering mentally. Speech plays an important role in the formation of human emotions, and the brain is a very sensitive receiver of information that we receive through speech from the people around us.

The words we will use to support someone also have their own meaning, as some forms of verbal support have proven to be more effective than others. In a small study done at the University of California, Los Angeles, Ph.D. were especially soothing. emotional support can also help, such as helping someone realize that things are going to get better, or encouraging them to look at a situation from a different perspective.

Instead, studies have shown that patients do not want to hear that they should not feel this way. Exhortations such as “calm down” or “relax” to someone who is under psychological pressure have the opposite effect. These strategies are ineffective because they imply that the victim’s feelings “may be disproportionate to the gravity of the situation,” Sakhi explains.

Research shows that conversation and human interaction is the best form of comfort.

In a California study, Sahi asked 318 people what advice and guidance they would like to hear after a disagreement with an acquaintance. The legitimation of feelings turned out to be the most popular reaction. Study participants said that phrases such as “I understand that this was difficult for you” were more comforting than phrases aimed at changing a person’s mind, such as “try to listen to both points of view” or “think the glass is half full, not empty. half empty.”

While legitimizing feelings can help deal with temporary sadness, it doesn’t solve existing problems in the long run. However, acknowledging feelings in a friendly person can give a sense of control over the situation, which can even lead to resolution of chronic problems.

If the person seems willing to accept your help, it’s a good idea to start by acknowledging that their problems are real and painful. Say that you understand why he feels this way and that you would feel the same way if you were in his place. Studies have shown that people are more receptive to advice after they have experienced psychological support. Participants in Sahi’s study developed an approach they called “temporal distancing.” This method teaches people the basic principles of optimism, reassuring them that things will get better over time. Most participants said they preferred this method to the “glass half full” method, which some described as arbitrary and pushy.

Although it is very difficult to know every time how to help your person in a psychologically difficult moment, Sakhi emphasizes that even our most inelegant effort will touch our personality.

In a small study published in 2022, researchers found that people systematically underestimate the value of their efforts to help others. The study found that these attempts were welcome, even when the methods were crude. In other words, what really matters is not the choice of the right guidance, but your presence next to your person in difficult times.